I have to admit I was feeling down lately. Well... sign that I need to continue my psycotherapy. Hehehe.
But I am okay now. What did I do to lighten up my mood? I counted my blessings. And guess what popped in to my mind when I asked myself what blessings do I have?
Friends. Come to think of it I do have few but awesome friends. Friends that are tested not only by trials but also by time. So, this is to salute those we made me stand when I feel down.
1. Vida. My wife is really an angel. She always understands me and encourages me. I wonder what will make her mad. I guess none. :-)
2. Glenda. My sister is also an angel. She's the one who can criticize me and yet I won't feel offended. It's because I know that she really loves me.
3. Kiko. He was my roommate in Narra Residence Hall at UP Diliman. It was 1994. At first I thought we won't be good friends because I really find it hard to read his mind or to know what he's thinking. He has this mysterious aura
4. Charie Guinto-Shearer. I call her Bro even is she's a lady. Well, probably it is because I can really connect with her without hang ups even though she's in the opposite gender. We really stick with each other through thick and thin. We fight together when we want to fight. The funny thing is we argue a lot! Well, at least, she taught me how to argue without being pissed off. :-) We became bestfriends in 1989.
5. Russel. We haven't had the chance to be classmates because she's an english major while I was a student of Philosophy. We just met at the library. But I feel that I can really connect with her. Probably because she's frank. That was 1990.
6. Mitzi. Although we are no longer as close as before because... of course... she has her family now I still feel blessed to have those happy years in college because of friends like her. Thanks Mitzi!
7. Carlo. I met him in Theater. We were both assigned to work for props. He's really a cool guy! I remember when we both have to work for props overnight and when the time for him to go home came he asked me if I want him to bring an extra shirt so that I can take a bath in the back stage. Thanks, Carlo, for that act of kindness! :-) I also remember that he helped me to bag an acting part in one of the productions. He was working then as PM (Production Manager) and I audtioned for the said play. I have this inkling that I got that part because he talked to the Director. :-) Was it 1990?
8. Andrew. One thing that I can say is that he really is a true friend. :-) I've known him for more than a decade now.
9. Melanie. My buddy for life! :-)
Guys, thanks for making my life interesting and happy. :-)
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Pain-In-The-Neck
Why do I write?
Others write to communicate their ideas.
I don't.
I write simply because I love to write. It is my passion. Not only that I find catharsis in writing but it is my life. As to use Immanuel Kant's words, writing must not be a means-to-an-end but and end-in-itself.
Therefore, others might find this essay pathetic and bizarre. And I don't give a damn.
For in this life I've learned that there are some people who will just suck your strength and drive to live. I've learned that I should hie away from them. Literally run away from them.
That is one of the reasons why I "unfriended" (http://newsinfo.inquirer.net/breakingnews/infotech/view/20091117-236727/Unfriend-is-New-Oxford-American-word-of-the-year) some people in facebook.
I find some people annoying. Of course, they do have the write to be annoying. It's their lives. They can do whatever they want in their lives as long as they don't infringe the right of others to live happily. But I believe that I also have the right to protect myself from those pain-in-the-neck. Tit for tat.
Who are those pain-in-the-neck?
First, there are those who think highly of themselves. Their disease can be found in DSM IV published by American Psychological Association. It is called NPD (Narcisistic Personality Disorder). They have this preconceived notion that others are infatuated with them and out to get them. (Argh! Just thinking of them makes me puke.)
A subtype of this first group are those who have the notion that they are so gorgeous that they think that others are out to get them. They act as if they are being fantasized by so many people. They are so fixated with how they look that they probably spend fortunes in cosmetics especially whitening products. They are so nervous that people will steal what is in between their legs because they don't have anything in between their ears. They don't want to loose the only thing that they have. Well, I just wish that they will meet the little prince in Antoine de Saint Exupery's novelette who said that, "what is essential is usually not visible to the naked eye."
Another subtype of this first group is the "Smart Aleck". They will tell you what to do and they love to brag about their opinions. What the heck! Let them believe that they know everything. Let them be like clanging cymbals though I really can't relate with them. For I have learned that the only thing I know in this life is that I know nothing.
The Smart Aleck group will bring us to another type of pain-in-the-neck. Those people who discriminate against others. I am convinced that this grouping is universal. I've seen people of this kind in countries I've stepped into. Philippines, Cambodia, Vietnam, China, Hongkong, Singapore, Thailand, Indonesia, Laos, Myanmar and Malaysia.
Having read about racial profiling in other countries convinced me that discrimination is not just endemic but pandemic.
Lessons learned?
Considering the fact that we will always be around these pain-in-the-neck people whenever we are in a group therefore it is much better to be in solitude. Actually, it is much better to be in the state of ahimsa. Ahimsa is a Hindu concept wherein the soul attains the blessed calm of non-existence. However, since I do believe in biblical teaching of heaven and hell the only choice that we have is to be in solitude. A hermit who is devoted to prayer, contemplation and reading the Word of God.
I Am A Rock
by: Simon & Garfunkel
A winter's day
In a deep and dark December;
I am alone,
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow.
I am a rock,
I am an island.
I've built walls,
A fortress deep and mighty,
That none may penetrate.
I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain.
It's laughter and it's loving I disdain.
I am a rock,
I am an island.
Don't talk of love,
But I've heard the words before;
It's sleeping in my memory.
I won't disturb the slumber of feelings that have died.
If I never loved I never would have cried.
I am a rock,
I am an island.
I have my books
And my poetry to protect me;
I am shielded in my armor,
Hiding in my room, safe within my womb.
I touch no one and no one touches me.
I am a rock,
I am an island.
And a rock feels no pain;
And an island never cries.
Others write to communicate their ideas.
I don't.
I write simply because I love to write. It is my passion. Not only that I find catharsis in writing but it is my life. As to use Immanuel Kant's words, writing must not be a means-to-an-end but and end-in-itself.
Therefore, others might find this essay pathetic and bizarre. And I don't give a damn.
For in this life I've learned that there are some people who will just suck your strength and drive to live. I've learned that I should hie away from them. Literally run away from them.
That is one of the reasons why I "unfriended" (http://newsinfo.inquirer.net/breakingnews/infotech/view/20091117-236727/Unfriend-is-New-Oxford-American-word-of-the-year) some people in facebook.
I find some people annoying. Of course, they do have the write to be annoying. It's their lives. They can do whatever they want in their lives as long as they don't infringe the right of others to live happily. But I believe that I also have the right to protect myself from those pain-in-the-neck. Tit for tat.
Who are those pain-in-the-neck?
First, there are those who think highly of themselves. Their disease can be found in DSM IV published by American Psychological Association. It is called NPD (Narcisistic Personality Disorder). They have this preconceived notion that others are infatuated with them and out to get them. (Argh! Just thinking of them makes me puke.)
A subtype of this first group are those who have the notion that they are so gorgeous that they think that others are out to get them. They act as if they are being fantasized by so many people. They are so fixated with how they look that they probably spend fortunes in cosmetics especially whitening products. They are so nervous that people will steal what is in between their legs because they don't have anything in between their ears. They don't want to loose the only thing that they have. Well, I just wish that they will meet the little prince in Antoine de Saint Exupery's novelette who said that, "what is essential is usually not visible to the naked eye."
Another subtype of this first group is the "Smart Aleck". They will tell you what to do and they love to brag about their opinions. What the heck! Let them believe that they know everything. Let them be like clanging cymbals though I really can't relate with them. For I have learned that the only thing I know in this life is that I know nothing.
The Smart Aleck group will bring us to another type of pain-in-the-neck. Those people who discriminate against others. I am convinced that this grouping is universal. I've seen people of this kind in countries I've stepped into. Philippines, Cambodia, Vietnam, China, Hongkong, Singapore, Thailand, Indonesia, Laos, Myanmar and Malaysia.
Having read about racial profiling in other countries convinced me that discrimination is not just endemic but pandemic.
Lessons learned?
Considering the fact that we will always be around these pain-in-the-neck people whenever we are in a group therefore it is much better to be in solitude. Actually, it is much better to be in the state of ahimsa. Ahimsa is a Hindu concept wherein the soul attains the blessed calm of non-existence. However, since I do believe in biblical teaching of heaven and hell the only choice that we have is to be in solitude. A hermit who is devoted to prayer, contemplation and reading the Word of God.
I Am A Rock
by: Simon & Garfunkel
A winter's day
In a deep and dark December;
I am alone,
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow.
I am a rock,
I am an island.
I've built walls,
A fortress deep and mighty,
That none may penetrate.
I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain.
It's laughter and it's loving I disdain.
I am a rock,
I am an island.
Don't talk of love,
But I've heard the words before;
It's sleeping in my memory.
I won't disturb the slumber of feelings that have died.
If I never loved I never would have cried.
I am a rock,
I am an island.
I have my books
And my poetry to protect me;
I am shielded in my armor,
Hiding in my room, safe within my womb.
I touch no one and no one touches me.
I am a rock,
I am an island.
And a rock feels no pain;
And an island never cries.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Are You A Backtist?
“I saw the pictures taken last Sunday. And guess how many shots I got?”, said Mark.
“How many?”, asked John.
“Only a few.” answered Mark.
“How’s that?”, queried John.
“Well, I always hide at the back of someone. As you may know, I am not only a Baptist but a Backtist as well.”, joked Mark.
Mark is a kind of guy that abhors limelight. He enjoys having a low profile. In fact, if someone is asked in his church, “Do you know Mark?” he will receive a peculiar look with the statement, “Mark who?”
Mark has the most unnoticeable ministry in the church. Teaching little kids while the adults are worshipping the Lord in the main hall. Sometimes, he helps in washing cups at the pantry. Cups that have been used by church goers when they had small talk at the reception area or visitors’ lounge.
His friends are the janitors, drivers, maidservants of the rich members of the church. He seldom talks to the church leaders. He just do his tasks silently. Unnoticeably.
Are you just like Mark? Do you feel that you are insignificant that you always hie away?
In this modern world where leadership is being promoted or advanced, Mark’s attitude is deemed unfavorable.
Today’s philosophy is that if you want to be great you have to lead.
This attitude can also be seen in the Bible though.
In Mark 9:33-37 we can find the story about the disciples who are arguing who is the greatest among them.
As I read this passage this morning I can’t help but picture in my mind what transpired during their travel. I also imagined that there was a man who was so introverted that he just sat at the corner while the disciples were arguing. Let’s say he was doing the humblest and most unpopular task during Jesus’ time.
And all twelve disciples were so popular by virtue of their positions and because they were always around Jesus.
Good thing that Jesus knew what was in their minds. Jesus asked them about it (verse 33) but the disciples did not answer because they were arguing who is the greatest among them (verse 34).
Lo and behold, Jesus repudiated their wrong notion about leadership and greatness. He said that it is good to be humble and be the servant (verse 35). We know that being a servant is not being held in high esteem. That is both during Jesus time and the modern world.
To emphasize his point more, Jesus said that serving children is a noble work (verses 36-37). We know that children are said to be powerless as compared to adults. They don’t have that influence yet. Therefore, serving them can be considered a lowly function.
My friend, if your work in God’s kingdom seems to be unnoticeable. If your work seems to be inconsequential. If you feel insignificant – may the word of Jesus be an encouragement to you.
“Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent me." Mark 9:37
“How many?”, asked John.
“Only a few.” answered Mark.
“How’s that?”, queried John.
“Well, I always hide at the back of someone. As you may know, I am not only a Baptist but a Backtist as well.”, joked Mark.
Mark is a kind of guy that abhors limelight. He enjoys having a low profile. In fact, if someone is asked in his church, “Do you know Mark?” he will receive a peculiar look with the statement, “Mark who?”
Mark has the most unnoticeable ministry in the church. Teaching little kids while the adults are worshipping the Lord in the main hall. Sometimes, he helps in washing cups at the pantry. Cups that have been used by church goers when they had small talk at the reception area or visitors’ lounge.
His friends are the janitors, drivers, maidservants of the rich members of the church. He seldom talks to the church leaders. He just do his tasks silently. Unnoticeably.
Are you just like Mark? Do you feel that you are insignificant that you always hie away?
In this modern world where leadership is being promoted or advanced, Mark’s attitude is deemed unfavorable.
Today’s philosophy is that if you want to be great you have to lead.
This attitude can also be seen in the Bible though.
In Mark 9:33-37 we can find the story about the disciples who are arguing who is the greatest among them.
As I read this passage this morning I can’t help but picture in my mind what transpired during their travel. I also imagined that there was a man who was so introverted that he just sat at the corner while the disciples were arguing. Let’s say he was doing the humblest and most unpopular task during Jesus’ time.
And all twelve disciples were so popular by virtue of their positions and because they were always around Jesus.
Good thing that Jesus knew what was in their minds. Jesus asked them about it (verse 33) but the disciples did not answer because they were arguing who is the greatest among them (verse 34).
Lo and behold, Jesus repudiated their wrong notion about leadership and greatness. He said that it is good to be humble and be the servant (verse 35). We know that being a servant is not being held in high esteem. That is both during Jesus time and the modern world.
To emphasize his point more, Jesus said that serving children is a noble work (verses 36-37). We know that children are said to be powerless as compared to adults. They don’t have that influence yet. Therefore, serving them can be considered a lowly function.
My friend, if your work in God’s kingdom seems to be unnoticeable. If your work seems to be inconsequential. If you feel insignificant – may the word of Jesus be an encouragement to you.
“Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent me." Mark 9:37
A Special Place In My Heart
Poor kids will always have a special place in my heart.
If I will be asked to choose between teaching poor kids and rich kids I will definitely choose the former.
Might be because of their desire to be accepted, loved, respected, etc.
Perhaps because in them - - you get what you see. No façade. No cover-ups. No pretensions.
That is why I’ve been going to a poor village for couple of weeks now. Pastor Perlito Gatmen, a missionary, asked me if I want to help him in teaching poor kids. I readily said yes. He started going to that community last September.
The community is really poor. They don’t have any source of potable water. The fifty families who are part of the said community, I’ve been told by Pastor Perlito, share three deep wells. The street is unpaved which becomes so muddy during rainy season.
Pastor Perlito teaches morning and afternoon while I help only in the morning. Our class starts at 9AM and we have around twenty students.
We have the opportunity not only to teach them English and proper hygiene but also to teach them about Christ.
The kids are open to the Gospel and they are enjoying listening to Bible stories and learning Christian songs. Last week, we taught them Read Your Bible, Jesus Loves Me This I Know, With Christ in my Vessel, and other songs that tells about the love of God. I and Pastor Perlito presented the Gospel through a magic trick show. The kids not only enjoyed watching us perform the trick but also understood the Gospel.
Panha is one of the kids. He is always present and on time in coming to class. He always sits in front and actively participates in class activities. I can see that he really is happy not only in our class but also in spending time with me and Pastor Perlito. Panha helped pastor Perlito in doing the basketball court. (One of Pastor Perlito’s projects is to put up a basketball court for the youth who are attending the afternoon class.)
Once, when we decided to visit houses just to connect with the residents of the community, Panha went with us. He did it with a smile in his face.
I am sharing this to you so that you can be part of our happiness every time we spend time with those kids and so that you can also pray for the ministry that God entrusted to us.
God bless.
Friday, December 18, 2009
Culture of Violence
(Note: My purpose in posting this is not to pick a fight but to start an intellectual conversation about an issue which may affect the development of Cambodia as a whole.)
I first came here in March 2005. I stayed in Banteay Meanchey volunteering as an ESL Teacher and immersed myself in Cambodian way of life. I tried to observe and grasp everything thing that I can see as I spent my time with Cambodian youth.
One thing that I noticed with my Cambodian friends is that they hit each other as a means of greeting one another. I think I observed this phenomenon not once, not twice but too often. I asked them why they do it with one another and what they told me is that it was just a joke. I can''t help but ponder if it is a subtle way of releasing the innate culture of violence that maybe embedded in Cambodian psyche.
Let me share to you another experience. There was an incident in 2006 in our in school in Banteay Meanchey that really made me mad. Some students brought and drunk liquor inside the campus. What is more saddening is that I only learned of the incident 3 months after it happened. I asked one of my trusted students why he did not tell me about the said incident. Here is a verbatim of our conversation:
ME: Why did you not tell me that your classmates brought and drunk liquor inside the school campus?
MY TRUSTED STUDENT: I am afraid, Teacher. You know the culture of Cambodian, Teacher? If I will do that they will kill me.
You see, I asked some more students why nobody told me about the incident and they answered the same thing. They are afraid that their classmates will harm them.
The other day, I was talking to a friend of mine and he told me that there was a vehicular accident near our place. It involved a motorbike and a car. Sadly, the motorbike driver died on the spot while the driver of the car sped away. It was a hit-and-run.
My friend mentioned that it is customary in Cambodia for the suspect to run and hide. And if he decides to surrender he will surrender to police officers in another province.
The reason is that the relatives of the victim will definitely seek revenge by killing the culprit. It is a clear case of vendetta. A clear case of an-eye-for-an-eye, a-tooth-for-a-tooth. They will no longer wait for the duly constituted criminal justice system but they will take justice in their own hands.
What do you think? Is the culture of violence embedded in Cambodian psyche? Mmmm. I wish I can have a sociological study about this issue.
I first came here in March 2005. I stayed in Banteay Meanchey volunteering as an ESL Teacher and immersed myself in Cambodian way of life. I tried to observe and grasp everything thing that I can see as I spent my time with Cambodian youth.
One thing that I noticed with my Cambodian friends is that they hit each other as a means of greeting one another. I think I observed this phenomenon not once, not twice but too often. I asked them why they do it with one another and what they told me is that it was just a joke. I can''t help but ponder if it is a subtle way of releasing the innate culture of violence that maybe embedded in Cambodian psyche.
Let me share to you another experience. There was an incident in 2006 in our in school in Banteay Meanchey that really made me mad. Some students brought and drunk liquor inside the campus. What is more saddening is that I only learned of the incident 3 months after it happened. I asked one of my trusted students why he did not tell me about the said incident. Here is a verbatim of our conversation:
ME: Why did you not tell me that your classmates brought and drunk liquor inside the school campus?
MY TRUSTED STUDENT: I am afraid, Teacher. You know the culture of Cambodian, Teacher? If I will do that they will kill me.
You see, I asked some more students why nobody told me about the incident and they answered the same thing. They are afraid that their classmates will harm them.
The other day, I was talking to a friend of mine and he told me that there was a vehicular accident near our place. It involved a motorbike and a car. Sadly, the motorbike driver died on the spot while the driver of the car sped away. It was a hit-and-run.
My friend mentioned that it is customary in Cambodia for the suspect to run and hide. And if he decides to surrender he will surrender to police officers in another province.
The reason is that the relatives of the victim will definitely seek revenge by killing the culprit. It is a clear case of vendetta. A clear case of an-eye-for-an-eye, a-tooth-for-a-tooth. They will no longer wait for the duly constituted criminal justice system but they will take justice in their own hands.
What do you think? Is the culture of violence embedded in Cambodian psyche? Mmmm. I wish I can have a sociological study about this issue.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Happiness
"Sok sabay?", my friend greeted me when I met him at the corridor.
Sok sabay literally means, "are you happy?" It is a common greeting in Cambodia. It actually implies that the speaker wishes the person he is greeting happiness in life.
This brought me to the idea that most of us, if not all of us, are longing for happiness.I am even reminded of the movie "Pursuit of Happyness".
Now, a lot of people try to look for that elusive happiness through a lot of things. Some try to find that happiness by working so hard. They thought that they will be happy if they are successful. Some try to get that happiness by being famous. Some even thought that they will be happy if they will have a lifetime partner. Well, don't get me wrong. I believe that part of being human is the need to relate. We are created to love and to be loved. But relationship is not a means-to-an-end or an end-in-itself. Relationship, I believe, is just a result of learning how to love and be loved correctly which is the result of being happy. Happiness should come first before having a fulfilling relationship.
As I think about this topic I can't help but be reminded of the guy in Luke 15:11-25.
Yes, that guy who left his home for the pursuit of happiness.
Presumably, the reason why he left home is that because he was unhappy? Why would he leave home if he was contented? (verses 11-12)
So, he left home for a distant country (verse 13)and tried to indulge in activities that he surmised will make him happy. He squandered his wealth in wild living (verse 13). I guess he tried to establish relationships with different ladies by spending a lot for them. He might have even looked for them in girlie bars if there are such places in his time. I also have a guess that he spent his money with the desire of being famous. Anyway, isn't it that some do splurge for their friends because they want to be accepted and be famous?
But the question is: Did he find that happiness that he was searching for?
The answer is a resounding no.
In fact, he felt that he was a failure. (verses 14-19)
Nevertheless, he realized that the only way for him to be happy is to go back home and obey his father (verses 17-20). And he was right. He found happiness at his home. There was fun and dancing at his home. (verses 22-25)
Perhaps you also left home in pursuit of that elusive happiness.
Perhaps you tried to have it by searching for Mr. Right or Miss Right.
Perhaps you thought that you can have that long-lasting happiness by doing things that will give you temporary pleasure like sex, drugs, accomplishments, and others.
My friend, there is only one way to have complete fulfillment and joy in life.
It is by going back to the Lord and obeying him by saying, "No to what I want, yes to what God says."
"The only time, the only time I ever saw Him ran
Was when He ran to me, He took me in His arms
Held my head to His chest, said, 'My son, come home again.'
Lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes.
With forgiveness in His voice, He said,
'Son, do you know I still love you.'
He caught me by surprise when God ran.
The day I left home I knew I'd broken His heart
And I wondered then if things could ever be the same.
Then one night I remembered His love for me
And down that dusty road ahead I could see
It was the only time - the only time I ever saw Him ran.
I was so ashamed, all alone and so far away
But I know He's been waiting for this day."
From the song, "When God ran"
Sok sabay literally means, "are you happy?" It is a common greeting in Cambodia. It actually implies that the speaker wishes the person he is greeting happiness in life.
This brought me to the idea that most of us, if not all of us, are longing for happiness.I am even reminded of the movie "Pursuit of Happyness".
Now, a lot of people try to look for that elusive happiness through a lot of things. Some try to find that happiness by working so hard. They thought that they will be happy if they are successful. Some try to get that happiness by being famous. Some even thought that they will be happy if they will have a lifetime partner. Well, don't get me wrong. I believe that part of being human is the need to relate. We are created to love and to be loved. But relationship is not a means-to-an-end or an end-in-itself. Relationship, I believe, is just a result of learning how to love and be loved correctly which is the result of being happy. Happiness should come first before having a fulfilling relationship.
As I think about this topic I can't help but be reminded of the guy in Luke 15:11-25.
Yes, that guy who left his home for the pursuit of happiness.
Presumably, the reason why he left home is that because he was unhappy? Why would he leave home if he was contented? (verses 11-12)
So, he left home for a distant country (verse 13)and tried to indulge in activities that he surmised will make him happy. He squandered his wealth in wild living (verse 13). I guess he tried to establish relationships with different ladies by spending a lot for them. He might have even looked for them in girlie bars if there are such places in his time. I also have a guess that he spent his money with the desire of being famous. Anyway, isn't it that some do splurge for their friends because they want to be accepted and be famous?
But the question is: Did he find that happiness that he was searching for?
The answer is a resounding no.
In fact, he felt that he was a failure. (verses 14-19)
Nevertheless, he realized that the only way for him to be happy is to go back home and obey his father (verses 17-20). And he was right. He found happiness at his home. There was fun and dancing at his home. (verses 22-25)
Perhaps you also left home in pursuit of that elusive happiness.
Perhaps you tried to have it by searching for Mr. Right or Miss Right.
Perhaps you thought that you can have that long-lasting happiness by doing things that will give you temporary pleasure like sex, drugs, accomplishments, and others.
My friend, there is only one way to have complete fulfillment and joy in life.
It is by going back to the Lord and obeying him by saying, "No to what I want, yes to what God says."
"The only time, the only time I ever saw Him ran
Was when He ran to me, He took me in His arms
Held my head to His chest, said, 'My son, come home again.'
Lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes.
With forgiveness in His voice, He said,
'Son, do you know I still love you.'
He caught me by surprise when God ran.
The day I left home I knew I'd broken His heart
And I wondered then if things could ever be the same.
Then one night I remembered His love for me
And down that dusty road ahead I could see
It was the only time - the only time I ever saw Him ran.
I was so ashamed, all alone and so far away
But I know He's been waiting for this day."
From the song, "When God ran"
Who Is Responsible for the Explosion in Karen State?
I was shocked when I heard the news that a bomb exploded in Karen State (http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/afp_asiapacific/view/1025510/1/.html).
To give you an overview, Karen People are fighting Myanmar for independence since the 1960s.
The government of Myanmar is accusing the Karen National Liberation Army as the group responsible for such cowardly act.
There are reasons for me to believe that it was not done by the Karens. You see, I've lived with the Karen people for more than two months and I am still in contact with my Karen friends up to now.
I've known them as peace loving people and it is hard for me to believe that they can do such inhumane act that will affect civilians.
On the contrary, I do have a first hand knowledge of how Gen. Than Shwe's government bombed Karen Refugee Camps in Thai-Myanmar border.
I have seen (and spent time with them) so many amputated and blind Karen soldiers who were victims of landmines. As you may know, Myanmar military planted a lot of landmines in their battle against Karen National Union.
I hope that world leaders will condemn this act of barbarism.
To give you an overview, Karen People are fighting Myanmar for independence since the 1960s.
The government of Myanmar is accusing the Karen National Liberation Army as the group responsible for such cowardly act.
There are reasons for me to believe that it was not done by the Karens. You see, I've lived with the Karen people for more than two months and I am still in contact with my Karen friends up to now.
I've known them as peace loving people and it is hard for me to believe that they can do such inhumane act that will affect civilians.
On the contrary, I do have a first hand knowledge of how Gen. Than Shwe's government bombed Karen Refugee Camps in Thai-Myanmar border.
I have seen (and spent time with them) so many amputated and blind Karen soldiers who were victims of landmines. As you may know, Myanmar military planted a lot of landmines in their battle against Karen National Union.
I hope that world leaders will condemn this act of barbarism.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Ay! Ay! Ay! O Pag-ibig
Isa sa mga kanta na natutunan ko noong aking kabataan ay ang Kantang "Ay! Ay! Ay! O Pag-ibig!" Isinulat ito ni Gonzales.
Sa katotohanan, hindi ang orihinal na kanta ang natutunan ko kundi adaptasyon nito. Nilapatan ng ibang titik ang kanta upang maging kantang pang-relihiyon.
Naririto ang orihinal na titik:
Buhat nang kita'y makita
Nadama ang pagsinta
Ng puso kong nagdurusa
Giliw ko, maawa ka.
Huwag mo sanang pahirapan
Puso kong nagdaramdam
Pagkat magpakailanman
Ikaw ang tunay kong mahal
Ay! Ay! Ay! Ay! Ay!
O Pag-ibig
Pag pumasok sa puso ay maligalig
Ay! Ay! Ay! Ay! Ay!
Hanggang langit
Ang pangako ng pusong umiibig
Naririto naman ang adaptasyon na sinasabi ko:
Buhat nang kita'y makilala
Nadama ang pagsinta
Kadiliman ng kahapon
Nagliwanag na ngayon.
Huwag mo sanang pagsarhan
Si Hesus na Anak ng Diyos
Pagkat magpakailanman
Ikaw ang tangi niyang mahal.
Ay! Ay! Ay! Ay! Ay! O pag-ibig
Pagpumasok sa puso ay matahimik
Ay! Ay! Ay! Ay! Ay! Hanggang langit
Ang pangako ni Hesus na umiibig.
Sa katotohanan, hindi ang orihinal na kanta ang natutunan ko kundi adaptasyon nito. Nilapatan ng ibang titik ang kanta upang maging kantang pang-relihiyon.
Naririto ang orihinal na titik:
Buhat nang kita'y makita
Nadama ang pagsinta
Ng puso kong nagdurusa
Giliw ko, maawa ka.
Huwag mo sanang pahirapan
Puso kong nagdaramdam
Pagkat magpakailanman
Ikaw ang tunay kong mahal
Ay! Ay! Ay! Ay! Ay!
O Pag-ibig
Pag pumasok sa puso ay maligalig
Ay! Ay! Ay! Ay! Ay!
Hanggang langit
Ang pangako ng pusong umiibig
Naririto naman ang adaptasyon na sinasabi ko:
Buhat nang kita'y makilala
Nadama ang pagsinta
Kadiliman ng kahapon
Nagliwanag na ngayon.
Huwag mo sanang pagsarhan
Si Hesus na Anak ng Diyos
Pagkat magpakailanman
Ikaw ang tangi niyang mahal.
Ay! Ay! Ay! Ay! Ay! O pag-ibig
Pagpumasok sa puso ay matahimik
Ay! Ay! Ay! Ay! Ay! Hanggang langit
Ang pangako ni Hesus na umiibig.
Dandansoy
Ang awiting Dandansoy ang isa sa mga kanta na una kong natutunan. Itinuro ito sa amin ng aming guro sa Unang Baytang nang matatapos na ang isang taong pag-aaral.
Malungkot ang kanta. Kanta ito ng pagpapapaalam. Hindi ako nakapagsasalita ng Bisaya pero sigurado ako na ito ay kanta ng isang taong namamaalam sapagkat iiwan siya ng kanyang asawa. Sinasabi niyang kapag ikaw ay nalulungkot at gusto mo akong makita, tanawin mo lamang ang payaw. Ngunit bakit nga ba siya aalis?
Naririto ang kanta.
Dandansoy, bayaan ta ikaw
Mauli ako sa payaw
Ugaling kung ikaw hidlawon
Ang payaw imo la lantawon
Dandansoy, kung imo apason
Bisan tubig di magbalon
Ugaling kung ikaw uhawon
Sa dalan magbubon-bubon
Kumbento, diin ang cura
Munisipyo, diin ang justicia
Yari si Dansoy makuha
Ang panyo mo kag panyo ko
Dal-a diri kay tambihon ko
Ugaling kung magkasilo
Bana ta ikaw, asawa mo ako
Malungkot ang kanta. Kanta ito ng pagpapapaalam. Hindi ako nakapagsasalita ng Bisaya pero sigurado ako na ito ay kanta ng isang taong namamaalam sapagkat iiwan siya ng kanyang asawa. Sinasabi niyang kapag ikaw ay nalulungkot at gusto mo akong makita, tanawin mo lamang ang payaw. Ngunit bakit nga ba siya aalis?
Naririto ang kanta.
Dandansoy, bayaan ta ikaw
Mauli ako sa payaw
Ugaling kung ikaw hidlawon
Ang payaw imo la lantawon
Dandansoy, kung imo apason
Bisan tubig di magbalon
Ugaling kung ikaw uhawon
Sa dalan magbubon-bubon
Kumbento, diin ang cura
Munisipyo, diin ang justicia
Yari si Dansoy makuha
Ang panyo mo kag panyo ko
Dal-a diri kay tambihon ko
Ugaling kung magkasilo
Bana ta ikaw, asawa mo ako
Kalesa
Kagabi ay nangangarap ako. Nasa isang komunidad daw ako na walang polusyon. Malinis ang hangin. Bakit? Kasi ay hindi gumagamit doon ng sasakyang ginagamitan ng langis. Ang kalesa at karitela ang pangunahing gamit sa paglalakbay.
Hindi ba maganda ang komunidad na ganoon? Malinis ang hangin at hindi maingay.
Hay! Sana ay maibabalik pa ang dating panahon.
Kalesa
sinulat ni: Ernani Cuenco
Kalesa'y may pang-akit na taglay
Maginhawa't di maalinsangan
Nakahahalina kung pagmasdan
Kalesa ay pambayang sasakyan
Kabayo ay di natin prublema
Pulot at damo lang ay tama na
Matulin din sa kalsada
Tumatakbong maginhawa
Wala pang gasolina
Kalesa ay panghatid tuwina
Lalo na pag gumagabi
At kung kasama ko ang aking giliw
Mangangalesa na rin kami
Hindi ba maganda ang komunidad na ganoon? Malinis ang hangin at hindi maingay.
Hay! Sana ay maibabalik pa ang dating panahon.
Kalesa
sinulat ni: Ernani Cuenco
Kalesa'y may pang-akit na taglay
Maginhawa't di maalinsangan
Nakahahalina kung pagmasdan
Kalesa ay pambayang sasakyan
Kabayo ay di natin prublema
Pulot at damo lang ay tama na
Matulin din sa kalsada
Tumatakbong maginhawa
Wala pang gasolina
Kalesa ay panghatid tuwina
Lalo na pag gumagabi
At kung kasama ko ang aking giliw
Mangangalesa na rin kami
Bakya Mo Neneng
Bakya Mo, Neneng
sinulat ni: Levi Celerio
Bakya mo, Neneng, luma at kupas na
Ngunit may bakas pa ng luha mo sinta
Sa alaala'y muling nagbalik pa
Ang ating kahapong tigib ng ligaya
Ngunit, irog ko, bakit isang araw
Ay hindi mo ginamit ang bakya kong inalay
Sa wari ko ba'y di mo kailangan
Pagkat kinupasan ng ganda at kulay
Ang aking pag-asa'y saglit na pumanaw
Sa bakya, mo Neneng, na di pa nasilayan.
Kung inaakalang 'yan ay munting bagay,
Huwag itapon, aking hirang, ang aliw ko kailanman
sinulat ni: Levi Celerio
Bakya mo, Neneng, luma at kupas na
Ngunit may bakas pa ng luha mo sinta
Sa alaala'y muling nagbalik pa
Ang ating kahapong tigib ng ligaya
Ngunit, irog ko, bakit isang araw
Ay hindi mo ginamit ang bakya kong inalay
Sa wari ko ba'y di mo kailangan
Pagkat kinupasan ng ganda at kulay
Ang aking pag-asa'y saglit na pumanaw
Sa bakya, mo Neneng, na di pa nasilayan.
Kung inaakalang 'yan ay munting bagay,
Huwag itapon, aking hirang, ang aliw ko kailanman
Monday, December 14, 2009
Waffle and A Pair of Socks
I was euphoric yesterday.
I received my very first Christmas gift for this season!
It was Christmas celebration in our church yesterday. The invited speaker preached about the birth of Christ. We had potluck afterwards. One of the Filipino missionaries approached me and gave me a box of waffle beautifully decorated with ribbon. On it is a dedication that says, “Kuya Jun, Merry Christmas.”
After a while, another Filipino missionary approached me and gave me a nicely wrapped gift. Can you guess what it is? Yeah! It is a pair of socks. Yes, a pair of socks.
Can you guess again what popped into my head?
I pondered, “Right timing!”
You see, I only had a pair of socks before receiving that gift. It is not that I don’t have money to buy another pair of socks. It is just that I don’t see the need for me to buy another one. I always rationalize that I can just wash that pair of socks after using with the intention of wearing it again the next day.
Well… actually… that pair of “wash and wear” socks already has a hole. I just intend to sew it though.
As I contemplated more about the gifts, it dawned upon me that I don’t deserve it. Yes, they are my friends but I am not that helpful in the church. There are other people in the church who are more helpful than me. That touched my heart.
I can’t help but think that as they give me those gifts they were telling me, “We love you with an Agape love, Kuya Jun. You are one of us. You are our brother.”
Moreover, it dawned upon me that they were not expecting something in return. You see, I was empty handed when I entered the church. That means, I don’t have any gift to give to them. Added to that is the fact that I wasn’t able to bring anything for our potluck fellowship. Yet, they still approached me and presented me with those gifts that I really treasure.
That incident reminded me of what happened to me twenty-three years ago.
God gave me a gift which I don’t deserve. God gave me salvation. I don’t deserve it because I am a sinner (Romans 3:23). I don’t want to enumerate all my wrongdoings because I don’t want to wash my dirty linen in public. But I think it suffice to say that I am a sinner.
God gave me a gift that I don’t have to labor for. He gave it to me for free. (Ephesians 2:8-9) I just wholeheartedly accepted it.
God’s gift also tells me how much He loves me. (John 3:16; I John 4:10). He loves me even during the years that He was out of my life and my heart. God’s love did not cease even when I ran away from Him. In fact, He welcomed me with an open arms when I came home and asked for forgiveness.
Going back to the waffle and the pair of socks. What do I intend to do with them? I won’t use the socks and eat the waffle. I will place them in front of my bed where I will often see them to remind me of God’s gift. Which I am also committed to treasure.
“As little children we would dream of Christmas morn
Of all the gifts and toys we knew we’d find
But we never realize a baby born one blessed night
Gave us the greatest gift of our lives.”
-from We Are The Reason song-
I received my very first Christmas gift for this season!
It was Christmas celebration in our church yesterday. The invited speaker preached about the birth of Christ. We had potluck afterwards. One of the Filipino missionaries approached me and gave me a box of waffle beautifully decorated with ribbon. On it is a dedication that says, “Kuya Jun, Merry Christmas.”
After a while, another Filipino missionary approached me and gave me a nicely wrapped gift. Can you guess what it is? Yeah! It is a pair of socks. Yes, a pair of socks.
Can you guess again what popped into my head?
I pondered, “Right timing!”
You see, I only had a pair of socks before receiving that gift. It is not that I don’t have money to buy another pair of socks. It is just that I don’t see the need for me to buy another one. I always rationalize that I can just wash that pair of socks after using with the intention of wearing it again the next day.
Well… actually… that pair of “wash and wear” socks already has a hole. I just intend to sew it though.
As I contemplated more about the gifts, it dawned upon me that I don’t deserve it. Yes, they are my friends but I am not that helpful in the church. There are other people in the church who are more helpful than me. That touched my heart.
I can’t help but think that as they give me those gifts they were telling me, “We love you with an Agape love, Kuya Jun. You are one of us. You are our brother.”
Moreover, it dawned upon me that they were not expecting something in return. You see, I was empty handed when I entered the church. That means, I don’t have any gift to give to them. Added to that is the fact that I wasn’t able to bring anything for our potluck fellowship. Yet, they still approached me and presented me with those gifts that I really treasure.
That incident reminded me of what happened to me twenty-three years ago.
God gave me a gift which I don’t deserve. God gave me salvation. I don’t deserve it because I am a sinner (Romans 3:23). I don’t want to enumerate all my wrongdoings because I don’t want to wash my dirty linen in public. But I think it suffice to say that I am a sinner.
God gave me a gift that I don’t have to labor for. He gave it to me for free. (Ephesians 2:8-9) I just wholeheartedly accepted it.
God’s gift also tells me how much He loves me. (John 3:16; I John 4:10). He loves me even during the years that He was out of my life and my heart. God’s love did not cease even when I ran away from Him. In fact, He welcomed me with an open arms when I came home and asked for forgiveness.
Going back to the waffle and the pair of socks. What do I intend to do with them? I won’t use the socks and eat the waffle. I will place them in front of my bed where I will often see them to remind me of God’s gift. Which I am also committed to treasure.
“As little children we would dream of Christmas morn
Of all the gifts and toys we knew we’d find
But we never realize a baby born one blessed night
Gave us the greatest gift of our lives.”
-from We Are The Reason song-
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Panaghoy ng Kalayaan
Bayan kong Pilipinas, Ina na nag-aruga;
Ibububo ang lakas para sa iyong paglaya.
Buhay ma’y mapigtas aking ikasisiya
Upang ang kalayaan atin namang matamasa.
Noo’y pinangarap ko tunay na kasarinlan
‘Yung walang paglililo’t di galing sa dayuhan
Na kanilang regalo na hihintayin lamang.
Upang ito’y matamo, dapat na ipaglaban!
O bansang minamahal! Mutya ring hinihirang!
Sa kadena mong bakal ika’y pakakawalan;
Gayundin sa kolonyal po naming kaisipan
Nang itong kalayaa’y makamtan ng lubusan.
Lumaya nga ba tayo nang magpulong sa Kawit?
At bandila’y itayo upang sabayan ng awit?
Kahit na itong puso’y iba ang sinasambit.
Kalayaan nga ba ito? Sadyang napakasakit!
Ibububo ang lakas para sa iyong paglaya.
Buhay ma’y mapigtas aking ikasisiya
Upang ang kalayaan atin namang matamasa.
Noo’y pinangarap ko tunay na kasarinlan
‘Yung walang paglililo’t di galing sa dayuhan
Na kanilang regalo na hihintayin lamang.
Upang ito’y matamo, dapat na ipaglaban!
O bansang minamahal! Mutya ring hinihirang!
Sa kadena mong bakal ika’y pakakawalan;
Gayundin sa kolonyal po naming kaisipan
Nang itong kalayaa’y makamtan ng lubusan.
Lumaya nga ba tayo nang magpulong sa Kawit?
At bandila’y itayo upang sabayan ng awit?
Kahit na itong puso’y iba ang sinasambit.
Kalayaan nga ba ito? Sadyang napakasakit!
Mater Dolorosa
(Few days before I wrote this story, I came across a book that says that almost all childen who are victims of incest will someday commit the same aggression.)
In this four-cornered room. I already spent eight days here. But for me it is just like eight years. Eight long years.
I was sentenced to stay here for life. The reason? I killed my father. What? Are you surprised? Are you asking why it is easyfor meto tell you that I killed my father? If you only know the reason why I killed him.
Can you not understand me? My father raped me! His life is not enough as payment for what he did to me.
I can no longer remember how many times he abused me. That is since I was a child until now that I am twenty-five.
Then, you will tell me that I should have done other things? Like Mrs. Ramos. Mrs. Ramos whois the social worker here in correctional for women. She told me that I should have informed the authorities instead. I can still remember the first time I met Mrs. Ramos.
“Hi, Gemma! I am Mrs. Ramos. Iam the social worker here.”
“Good afternoon, Mrs. Ramos.”
“How are you?”
I did not answer. First, I don’t want to lie. Second, I feel like she is insulting me. Is there anything good in prison?
“Do you want to see your mother?”
“No.” I was able to say this easily.
“Gemma, are you mad at your mom?”
I kept silent. Is she insulting me again?
“Why?”
“I was raped by my father because of her. She did not help me. She did noteven believe me.”
“Are you saying that you told your mom about it?”
“Yes.”
“What happened?”
“I told you already. She did not believe me. She said that my father couldn’t do it. That is even if she caught my father once.”
“What did she do?”
“Nothing. She just turned away.”
“Then?”
“Then, I talked to her that night. I asked her if she is not angry. She said she is no. I blew my top. I got hysterical. That made her mad. She said that I should never attempt to gell anyone about it. It would only make our lives difficult. Our neighbors will just talk about us.”
“After that?”
“Why are you asking so many questions? I want to forget everything.”
“Gemma, we should not forget the past. We should accept the past.”
“What? Should I just accept that my father raped me? You are harsh, Mrs. Ramos. You are too harsh.”
“Gemma, we should accept the past so that we can learn from it.”
I did not reply. I am tired of explaining. I no longer have the strength to argue. Anyway, I am sure that she won’t understand.
Long silence. It was Mrs. Ramos who first broke it.
“Do you want to know how your son is ding?”
“My son, Mrs. Ramos? Where is my son? How is he? When will you bring him here? When can I see him?”
Mrs. Ramos just smiled at me.
“Mrs. Ramos, the court has decided that my son will live here with me. She needs me, Mrs. Ramos.”
“Gemma, he is already there outside.”
I am so glad. At last, I can have my son now. I wil ldo everything for us not to be separated again.
“Thank you, Mrs. Ramos.”
A baby was brought into my cell. He has an angelic face. A face that becomes more beautiful for it shows innocence. My son. I ran towards my son. I wanted to carry him. I wanted to hug him.
“Goodbye. I have to leave now, Gemma. You take care of your child.”
I just ignored Mrs. Ramos. All I know was that I wanted to hug my son. I did not even notice Mrs. Ramos go out of my cell. Though, after few minutes my son cried aloud. Perhaps he was hurt for I sucked his penis so hard.
In this four-cornered room. I already spent eight days here. But for me it is just like eight years. Eight long years.
I was sentenced to stay here for life. The reason? I killed my father. What? Are you surprised? Are you asking why it is easyfor meto tell you that I killed my father? If you only know the reason why I killed him.
Can you not understand me? My father raped me! His life is not enough as payment for what he did to me.
I can no longer remember how many times he abused me. That is since I was a child until now that I am twenty-five.
Then, you will tell me that I should have done other things? Like Mrs. Ramos. Mrs. Ramos whois the social worker here in correctional for women. She told me that I should have informed the authorities instead. I can still remember the first time I met Mrs. Ramos.
“Hi, Gemma! I am Mrs. Ramos. Iam the social worker here.”
“Good afternoon, Mrs. Ramos.”
“How are you?”
I did not answer. First, I don’t want to lie. Second, I feel like she is insulting me. Is there anything good in prison?
“Do you want to see your mother?”
“No.” I was able to say this easily.
“Gemma, are you mad at your mom?”
I kept silent. Is she insulting me again?
“Why?”
“I was raped by my father because of her. She did not help me. She did noteven believe me.”
“Are you saying that you told your mom about it?”
“Yes.”
“What happened?”
“I told you already. She did not believe me. She said that my father couldn’t do it. That is even if she caught my father once.”
“What did she do?”
“Nothing. She just turned away.”
“Then?”
“Then, I talked to her that night. I asked her if she is not angry. She said she is no. I blew my top. I got hysterical. That made her mad. She said that I should never attempt to gell anyone about it. It would only make our lives difficult. Our neighbors will just talk about us.”
“After that?”
“Why are you asking so many questions? I want to forget everything.”
“Gemma, we should not forget the past. We should accept the past.”
“What? Should I just accept that my father raped me? You are harsh, Mrs. Ramos. You are too harsh.”
“Gemma, we should accept the past so that we can learn from it.”
I did not reply. I am tired of explaining. I no longer have the strength to argue. Anyway, I am sure that she won’t understand.
Long silence. It was Mrs. Ramos who first broke it.
“Do you want to know how your son is ding?”
“My son, Mrs. Ramos? Where is my son? How is he? When will you bring him here? When can I see him?”
Mrs. Ramos just smiled at me.
“Mrs. Ramos, the court has decided that my son will live here with me. She needs me, Mrs. Ramos.”
“Gemma, he is already there outside.”
I am so glad. At last, I can have my son now. I wil ldo everything for us not to be separated again.
“Thank you, Mrs. Ramos.”
A baby was brought into my cell. He has an angelic face. A face that becomes more beautiful for it shows innocence. My son. I ran towards my son. I wanted to carry him. I wanted to hug him.
“Goodbye. I have to leave now, Gemma. You take care of your child.”
I just ignored Mrs. Ramos. All I know was that I wanted to hug my son. I did not even notice Mrs. Ramos go out of my cell. Though, after few minutes my son cried aloud. Perhaps he was hurt for I sucked his penis so hard.
Traffic Jam
I hate traffic jams. Not only because it wastes my precious time but also because it gives me ample time to think about things I’d rather forget. Who wants to remember things which are really embarrassing like when you went on stage in front of so many people with your pants unzipped? Who wants to think about piles of assignments that one has to do urgently? Like the one I have to do for the writing workshop I am attending. Our teacher wants to know what we remember most in high school.
“Gilbert, hi!”
“Hi, Rica!”
That’s it! She is the one I remember most in high school. Who will forget those attractive dimples that she usually displays? Who will forget those expressive eyes that twinkle every time she wants you to give her a portion of your banana cue.
“Are you going to Baguio for vacation?”
“No, I live there,” I replied.
“You no longer live in Tondo? The one I used to go to?”
She often visited me in our place then. I think that is one of the reasons why I fell in love with her. Though, most often she visited me just to ask me if I can lend her my notes in Physics.
“What did you do after graduation?”, she asked.
I want to tell her that I did not go out of the house for more than two months. I did not do anything. I just cried inside my room. Sulking while listening to the song that says, “some good things never last.”
Graduation day was the saddest day for me. We parted ways. It was really tragic. Anyway, all great love stories end up in tragedies. Isn’t it that Florante and Laura, Romeo and Juliet and Jack and Rose all parted their ways?
“Went to U.P. tyo study Philosophy,” I replied.
“I also took some philosophy subjects in the monastery.”
“You entered monastery?’, I inquired.
“I am a nun.”
No doubt about it. Even during our high school years she was the most behaved in class. She is really an angel. She never did cut her classes just to watch movies or play video games at a nearby amusement center. But most of all she did not call our teacher Miss Piggy even if our teacher was 350 pounds.
“Oh, I already have to get off. See you soon, Gilbert. Bye. By the way, I will always remember our high school days.”
“Me too.”
Really, I will always remember our happy moments together. Incidentally, it is also the one I’d rather forget. I really hate this traffic jam.
“Goodbye, Rica!”
“Gilbert, hi!”
“Hi, Rica!”
That’s it! She is the one I remember most in high school. Who will forget those attractive dimples that she usually displays? Who will forget those expressive eyes that twinkle every time she wants you to give her a portion of your banana cue.
“Are you going to Baguio for vacation?”
“No, I live there,” I replied.
“You no longer live in Tondo? The one I used to go to?”
She often visited me in our place then. I think that is one of the reasons why I fell in love with her. Though, most often she visited me just to ask me if I can lend her my notes in Physics.
“What did you do after graduation?”, she asked.
I want to tell her that I did not go out of the house for more than two months. I did not do anything. I just cried inside my room. Sulking while listening to the song that says, “some good things never last.”
Graduation day was the saddest day for me. We parted ways. It was really tragic. Anyway, all great love stories end up in tragedies. Isn’t it that Florante and Laura, Romeo and Juliet and Jack and Rose all parted their ways?
“Went to U.P. tyo study Philosophy,” I replied.
“I also took some philosophy subjects in the monastery.”
“You entered monastery?’, I inquired.
“I am a nun.”
No doubt about it. Even during our high school years she was the most behaved in class. She is really an angel. She never did cut her classes just to watch movies or play video games at a nearby amusement center. But most of all she did not call our teacher Miss Piggy even if our teacher was 350 pounds.
“Oh, I already have to get off. See you soon, Gilbert. Bye. By the way, I will always remember our high school days.”
“Me too.”
Really, I will always remember our happy moments together. Incidentally, it is also the one I’d rather forget. I really hate this traffic jam.
“Goodbye, Rica!”
Racial Discrimination and Corruption
Nagpunta ako kahapon sa Indonesian Immigration office dito sa Bali. Hulaan ninyo. Nahirapan akong mag-renew ng aking visa. Well, maraming hinahanap. Tapos, tinanong ko kung ilang araw ang processing. Tatlong araw daw. Pero ito ang catch. Sinabi niya sa akin ng kausap ko sa taong nasa window ng visa processing eh puwede daw kaming magkaroon ng arrangement at makukuha ko daw agad depende na lang kung gusto ko daw magbayad! Korupsiyon! Eto pa, lahat ng transaksiyon dito eh kailangang magbayad ka ng documentary stamp. Okay lang iyon. Kung yun ang patakaran ng gobyerno. Ang nakakaasar ang 6,000rupiah na documentary stamp eh pinababayaran sa akin ng 7,000rupiah. Siguro hindi na rin kayo magugulat kung sasabihin ko sa iyong pinabayaran sa akin ng 10,000rupiah ang application form na pang photocopy lang ata. Merong resibong ibinigay sa akin? Wala!!!
Eto pa. Tinanong nung lalaki kung magkano ang suweldo ko. Sabi ko, volunteer lang ako sa Indonesia. Hindi daw siya naniniwala kasi kung gayon bakit hindi na lang daw ako sa Pilipinas mag-volunteer? Ang sagot ko halos lahat ng pinoy nakakapagsalita ng ingles.
Et pa. Nagtataka ako bakit ang hirap nilang i-process ang visa application ko eh renewal na lang naman iyon. Maraming puwedeng sapantaha pero hindi ko talaga alam.
Pero ito ang napansin ko. Noong nag-apply ako ng chinese visa sa singapore, ang mga kasabay kong nag-apply eh mga indonesians. hulaan ninyo? Lahat sila eh denied! Hindi kaya pinahihirapan nila ako sa visa ko dahil nahihirapan din ang kapwa nila indonesians sa pag-apply ng visa para sa ibang bansa?
Kagaya iyan ng nangyari sa akin sa thailand. Noong isang taon ito nangyari. Nagbus ako mula Thailand papuntang singapore. Aba! nang palabas na ako ng thailand, sa thai immigration, andaming tanong ng thai immigration officer. saan ka nagtratrabaho. bakit ilang beses kang pumasok ng thailand. (Halos buwan-buwan kasi ay nasa Thailand ako para pumunta ng banko at mag-withdraw ng pera). Siguro inabot ako ng isang oras sa Thai Immigration. Ang feeling ko kinawawa ako ng thai immigration. Pati yung driver at conductor ng bus eh tinatawanan ako at parang binabastos ako. Cool lang ako. Sa isip ko, may araw din kayo. Eto ang siste. Pagdating namin ng singapore, sa mga 30 na nakasakay ng bus eh 6 lang ang nakapasok. Limang singaporeans at isang pinoy. Ako ang pinoy. Yung mahigit na 20 na thais eh hindi nakapasok ng singapore. hahaha. Eto pa. Biglang bumait sa akin ang driver at conductor ng bus nang napansin nilang ang bilis kong dumaan sa singaporean immigration officer.
Eto, siguro hindi naman ako biased lang dahil dayuhan ako dito. Dahil tatlong taon ako sa Cambodia at hindi ako nagsulat tungkol sa corruption doon. Dahil hindi ko direktang naranasan ang korupsiyon sa Cambodia. Oo, meron racial discrimination doon. Pero wala akong naranasan sa korupsiyon. Pero dito talaga, grabe!
Eto pa. Tinanong nung lalaki kung magkano ang suweldo ko. Sabi ko, volunteer lang ako sa Indonesia. Hindi daw siya naniniwala kasi kung gayon bakit hindi na lang daw ako sa Pilipinas mag-volunteer? Ang sagot ko halos lahat ng pinoy nakakapagsalita ng ingles.
Et pa. Nagtataka ako bakit ang hirap nilang i-process ang visa application ko eh renewal na lang naman iyon. Maraming puwedeng sapantaha pero hindi ko talaga alam.
Pero ito ang napansin ko. Noong nag-apply ako ng chinese visa sa singapore, ang mga kasabay kong nag-apply eh mga indonesians. hulaan ninyo? Lahat sila eh denied! Hindi kaya pinahihirapan nila ako sa visa ko dahil nahihirapan din ang kapwa nila indonesians sa pag-apply ng visa para sa ibang bansa?
Kagaya iyan ng nangyari sa akin sa thailand. Noong isang taon ito nangyari. Nagbus ako mula Thailand papuntang singapore. Aba! nang palabas na ako ng thailand, sa thai immigration, andaming tanong ng thai immigration officer. saan ka nagtratrabaho. bakit ilang beses kang pumasok ng thailand. (Halos buwan-buwan kasi ay nasa Thailand ako para pumunta ng banko at mag-withdraw ng pera). Siguro inabot ako ng isang oras sa Thai Immigration. Ang feeling ko kinawawa ako ng thai immigration. Pati yung driver at conductor ng bus eh tinatawanan ako at parang binabastos ako. Cool lang ako. Sa isip ko, may araw din kayo. Eto ang siste. Pagdating namin ng singapore, sa mga 30 na nakasakay ng bus eh 6 lang ang nakapasok. Limang singaporeans at isang pinoy. Ako ang pinoy. Yung mahigit na 20 na thais eh hindi nakapasok ng singapore. hahaha. Eto pa. Biglang bumait sa akin ang driver at conductor ng bus nang napansin nilang ang bilis kong dumaan sa singaporean immigration officer.
Eto, siguro hindi naman ako biased lang dahil dayuhan ako dito. Dahil tatlong taon ako sa Cambodia at hindi ako nagsulat tungkol sa corruption doon. Dahil hindi ko direktang naranasan ang korupsiyon sa Cambodia. Oo, meron racial discrimination doon. Pero wala akong naranasan sa korupsiyon. Pero dito talaga, grabe!
Alikabok
Ako’y isang alikabok
Pinapadpad ng hangin
Di tiyak ang patutunguhan
Gustong pumaroon
Ngunit inilipad ng hangin paparito
Walang magawa
Walang nagawa
Pagkat walang halaga
Walang importansya
Inaalis sa lahat ng makapitan
Pinapagpag sa lahat ng kinalalagyan
At kung saan man mapadpad
Ang iba’y walang pakialam
Walang pakialam
Ianod man ng dagat
Ilipad ng hangin sa alapaap
Ipadpad man sa disyerto
Walang makakapansin
Papano’y walang may pakialam
Dahil walang importansya
Yan ang buhay ko
Yan ang buhay ng tao
Pinapadpad ng hangin
Di tiyak ang patutunguhan
Gustong pumaroon
Ngunit inilipad ng hangin paparito
Walang magawa
Walang nagawa
Pagkat walang halaga
Walang importansya
Inaalis sa lahat ng makapitan
Pinapagpag sa lahat ng kinalalagyan
At kung saan man mapadpad
Ang iba’y walang pakialam
Walang pakialam
Ianod man ng dagat
Ilipad ng hangin sa alapaap
Ipadpad man sa disyerto
Walang makakapansin
Papano’y walang may pakialam
Dahil walang importansya
Yan ang buhay ko
Yan ang buhay ng tao
Why?
Why can I not say, "Putris na buhay ito!" when I mean "putris talaga ang buhay na ito"?
Why can I not utter that four-letter word when I am pissed off?
Why can I not believe that this is a damnable world when I really feel that way?
Why?
Okay, I am supposed to be a self-actualized humanoid because I am a Christian and I studied Bible in a seminary.
I always tell myself: "Behave, Pablo! You are supposed to be a role-model, remember? You cannot call this life a shit even if the urge for you to say that is extremely strong. You have to pent up your emotion. You have to wear a camouflage. You have to fake yourself. The Sprite tag line, ‘magpakatotoo ka’ is not for you."
Oh, some of you might say, "You should not feel that way! You are a Christian. There must be joy in you if you are a Christian."
Bluff!
Don’t give me that baloney! You are not being true to yourself! I am sure that there were times that you felt this way too. Depression is very human. Depression is as real as pain. Depression is as tangible as my next meal.
You know what I don’t like with some christians? Some christians are so unreal. They live in the world of make-believe. They are so contrite. They don’t recognize their negative feelings! Escapist scums!
On the other hand, suffering is the real thing. Suffering is positive. Joy is just a negation of sufferings.
You negate your problems by looking for solutions. You miss your wife? That’s what is positive. You feel it. You negate it by calling her.
But these solutions are just paliative. Temporal.
Permament answer?
Ahimsa.
To be in the state of non-existence.
But we cannot do that! Our drives tell us that we cannot just surrender this damnable existence called life. These drives tell us that aiming for non-existence is cowardice. We have to fight!
But it will be a futile fight! Just an act in futility.
We just have to bear the sufferings. We have to accept that we are condemned here not to death but to life.
What a sad fate for mankind a whole!
Why can I not utter that four-letter word when I am pissed off?
Why can I not believe that this is a damnable world when I really feel that way?
Why?
Okay, I am supposed to be a self-actualized humanoid because I am a Christian and I studied Bible in a seminary.
I always tell myself: "Behave, Pablo! You are supposed to be a role-model, remember? You cannot call this life a shit even if the urge for you to say that is extremely strong. You have to pent up your emotion. You have to wear a camouflage. You have to fake yourself. The Sprite tag line, ‘magpakatotoo ka’ is not for you."
Oh, some of you might say, "You should not feel that way! You are a Christian. There must be joy in you if you are a Christian."
Bluff!
Don’t give me that baloney! You are not being true to yourself! I am sure that there were times that you felt this way too. Depression is very human. Depression is as real as pain. Depression is as tangible as my next meal.
You know what I don’t like with some christians? Some christians are so unreal. They live in the world of make-believe. They are so contrite. They don’t recognize their negative feelings! Escapist scums!
On the other hand, suffering is the real thing. Suffering is positive. Joy is just a negation of sufferings.
You negate your problems by looking for solutions. You miss your wife? That’s what is positive. You feel it. You negate it by calling her.
But these solutions are just paliative. Temporal.
Permament answer?
Ahimsa.
To be in the state of non-existence.
But we cannot do that! Our drives tell us that we cannot just surrender this damnable existence called life. These drives tell us that aiming for non-existence is cowardice. We have to fight!
But it will be a futile fight! Just an act in futility.
We just have to bear the sufferings. We have to accept that we are condemned here not to death but to life.
What a sad fate for mankind a whole!
Perspektibo Lang 'Yan!
Couple of years ago, while I was on my way to Tampines Public Library in Singapore I chanced upon a panhandler near Tampines MRT Station. He was preparing his stuff. Mixing with his sound system, testing his microphone, positioning his money box (where passersby can drop coins)… And lo and behold! I saw among his things an Apple Computer? A pandhandler having his own apple computer? Sa atin nga, yung regular office worker walang apple computer eh. Oh, anyway, this is Singapore.
Then, I again saw an old lady selling tissues near the MRT Entrance. Those ladies who are selling tissues can be compared or equated sa mga beggars sa atin na nagtitinda ng basahan at sampaguita. Wala kasing beggars dito. Napansin ko ang kanyang suot. Malinis na t-shirt, nakatsinelas na goma, malinis ang kuko. Pero alam mong mahirap siya kumpara sa mga tao dito sa Singapore. Naisip ko sa atin, ang mga beggars marurumi ang damit, halos buwan na yatang hindi nalalabhan. Pudpod ang tsinelas. Marumi ang mga kuko. Pero mas may malaking kaibhan.
Ang babaeng nakita ko: malungkot na malungkot. Nakakunot ang nuo. Halata mong sobrang nabibigatan sa prublemang dala-dala.Yung mga tindera ng basahan at sampaguita sa atin: Parang hindi alintana ang prublema. Parang ordinaryo lang sa kanila ang hirap na nararanasan.
Naisip ko, ang buhay nga naman ay perspektibo lang. Dito, ang mga sobrang hirap eh nahihirapan sa buhay dahil nakita nila ang kaginhawahan ng Singapore. Siguro, bagot na bagot na siya kasi hindi niya maranasan ang ginhawa ng buhay na nakikita niya. Pero kung tutuusin, mas maalwan pa ang buhay niya kaysa sa mga nagtitinda sa Divisoria. Sa Pilipinas, ang mga pulubi o nagtitinda ng bahasan eh kontento na sa buhay nila. Hindi nila alintana ang walang pera kasi hindi naman nila nakikita masyado ang kaibhan ng buhay nila sa buhay ng nagtitinda sa palengke o sa buhay ng ordinaryong pilipino.
Naaala ko pa nga noon, kumakain ako ng lugaw sa may kariton sa may Baclaran. Katabi kong kumakain ay isang pulubi. Minsan naman ay kumain ako sa Jollibee. Merong pulubi na pumasok. Nagpapalit ng mga barya. Nagulat ako sa dami ng inilabas niyang barya. Pagkalabas ng ale eh kinausap ko ang manager (o supervisor?) ng Jollibee. Nalaman ko na araw-araw nagpapapalit ng barya ang pulubi. At araw-araw eh nagpapapalit siya ng mahigit taltong daang piso. Wow! Mas malaki pa ang kinikita niya sa akin! Eh noong nagtuturo ako noon ng Kindergarten eh kumikita lang ako ng P2,500 isang buwan. Sabagay 1990 pa iyon.
Suma total, naisip ko na ang buhay ay perspekibo lang. Kung tingin mo ay masaya ang buhay, masaya talaga ang buhay. Kung tingin mo ay mahirap ang buhay, talagang mahirap ang buhay. Kung tingin mo ang buhay ay malungkot, talagang malungkot ang buhay.
Therefore, again, I will say: Live and let live!
Then, I again saw an old lady selling tissues near the MRT Entrance. Those ladies who are selling tissues can be compared or equated sa mga beggars sa atin na nagtitinda ng basahan at sampaguita. Wala kasing beggars dito. Napansin ko ang kanyang suot. Malinis na t-shirt, nakatsinelas na goma, malinis ang kuko. Pero alam mong mahirap siya kumpara sa mga tao dito sa Singapore. Naisip ko sa atin, ang mga beggars marurumi ang damit, halos buwan na yatang hindi nalalabhan. Pudpod ang tsinelas. Marumi ang mga kuko. Pero mas may malaking kaibhan.
Ang babaeng nakita ko: malungkot na malungkot. Nakakunot ang nuo. Halata mong sobrang nabibigatan sa prublemang dala-dala.Yung mga tindera ng basahan at sampaguita sa atin: Parang hindi alintana ang prublema. Parang ordinaryo lang sa kanila ang hirap na nararanasan.
Naisip ko, ang buhay nga naman ay perspektibo lang. Dito, ang mga sobrang hirap eh nahihirapan sa buhay dahil nakita nila ang kaginhawahan ng Singapore. Siguro, bagot na bagot na siya kasi hindi niya maranasan ang ginhawa ng buhay na nakikita niya. Pero kung tutuusin, mas maalwan pa ang buhay niya kaysa sa mga nagtitinda sa Divisoria. Sa Pilipinas, ang mga pulubi o nagtitinda ng bahasan eh kontento na sa buhay nila. Hindi nila alintana ang walang pera kasi hindi naman nila nakikita masyado ang kaibhan ng buhay nila sa buhay ng nagtitinda sa palengke o sa buhay ng ordinaryong pilipino.
Naaala ko pa nga noon, kumakain ako ng lugaw sa may kariton sa may Baclaran. Katabi kong kumakain ay isang pulubi. Minsan naman ay kumain ako sa Jollibee. Merong pulubi na pumasok. Nagpapalit ng mga barya. Nagulat ako sa dami ng inilabas niyang barya. Pagkalabas ng ale eh kinausap ko ang manager (o supervisor?) ng Jollibee. Nalaman ko na araw-araw nagpapapalit ng barya ang pulubi. At araw-araw eh nagpapapalit siya ng mahigit taltong daang piso. Wow! Mas malaki pa ang kinikita niya sa akin! Eh noong nagtuturo ako noon ng Kindergarten eh kumikita lang ako ng P2,500 isang buwan. Sabagay 1990 pa iyon.
Suma total, naisip ko na ang buhay ay perspekibo lang. Kung tingin mo ay masaya ang buhay, masaya talaga ang buhay. Kung tingin mo ay mahirap ang buhay, talagang mahirap ang buhay. Kung tingin mo ang buhay ay malungkot, talagang malungkot ang buhay.
Therefore, again, I will say: Live and let live!
Barong Tagalog
Tinitingala ko talaga si Kidlat Tahimik. Si Kidlat Tahimik ay isang manunulat, pintor at makata. Nakilala siyang lalo dahil sa pagsusuot niya ng bahag kapag dumadalo siya ng pormal na pagtitipon. Biro mo, lahat ng tao ay naka-kurbata at amerikana. Pero siya ay nakabahag!
Ngayong magsasalita ako sa harap ng mga tao na galing sa iba't ibang bansa ay iniisip ko na sana ay mayroon akong dalang Barong Tagalog. Ipagmamalaki ko ang aking pagiging Pilipino sa pamamagitan ng pagsusuot ng Barong Tagalog.
Kagabi, habang ako ay naglalalakad papauwi, ay kinakanta ko ang Barong Tagalog na inawit ni Ruben Tagalog at sinulat ni Santiago Suarez. Naririto ang titik ng nasabing kanta:
Kung wariin ko sa ngayon ay muling nagbabalik
Ang barong tagalog na sadyang makisig.
Mahaba-habang panahon nawaglit sa ating isip
Na ito'y damit ng bansang mahirap malupig
Ang barong ito ay tatak Pilipinong talaga
Dapat nating mahalin sa tuwi-tuwina
Sa sariling bayan nati'y alinsangan
Makapal na kayoy hindi kailangan
Ang barong tagalog kahit sinamay lang
Ginhawang gamitin sa lahat ng pagdiriwang
Nang maghimagsik itong ating bansa
Dahil sa paglaya
Ang barong tagalog natin ay dakila
Pagka't siyang ginamit
Ng bayaning namayapa
Ngayong magsasalita ako sa harap ng mga tao na galing sa iba't ibang bansa ay iniisip ko na sana ay mayroon akong dalang Barong Tagalog. Ipagmamalaki ko ang aking pagiging Pilipino sa pamamagitan ng pagsusuot ng Barong Tagalog.
Kagabi, habang ako ay naglalalakad papauwi, ay kinakanta ko ang Barong Tagalog na inawit ni Ruben Tagalog at sinulat ni Santiago Suarez. Naririto ang titik ng nasabing kanta:
Kung wariin ko sa ngayon ay muling nagbabalik
Ang barong tagalog na sadyang makisig.
Mahaba-habang panahon nawaglit sa ating isip
Na ito'y damit ng bansang mahirap malupig
Ang barong ito ay tatak Pilipinong talaga
Dapat nating mahalin sa tuwi-tuwina
Sa sariling bayan nati'y alinsangan
Makapal na kayoy hindi kailangan
Ang barong tagalog kahit sinamay lang
Ginhawang gamitin sa lahat ng pagdiriwang
Nang maghimagsik itong ating bansa
Dahil sa paglaya
Ang barong tagalog natin ay dakila
Pagka't siyang ginamit
Ng bayaning namayapa
Gutom Ako!
Kapag ako ay napupunta sa ibang bansa, ang lagi kong ginagawa ay nagpupunta ako sa mga maliliit ng kainan para subukan ang kanilang pagkain. Kaya heto ang limang paborito kong pagkain mula sa iba’t ibang bansa.
5. Kaw-kuk-kapi mula Thailand. Aminado ako na kritikal ako sa lutuing Thai. Sa tingin ko nga ay overrated ang Thai Cuisine. At nagtataka pa rin ako kung bakit kilalang-kilala ang pagkaing Thai samantalang walang masyadong kakaiba at “striking” sa pagkaing Thai. Bukod lang siguro sa sobrang anghang ang pagkain nila. Pero solve talaga ako sa Kaw-kuk-kapi. Ito ay kanin na hinaluan ng fish paste. Tapos, may karne, hilaw at tinadtad ng maliliit na gulay (sitaw, sibuyas, atbp.), kinayod na manggang hilaw. Pagkatapos, dapat ay paghahaluin lahat ito atsaka kakainin. Masarap talaga.
4. Baguette mula sa Laos. Ang Vietnam, Cambodia, Laos at iba pang bansa na nasakop ng Pransiya ay may kaniya-kaniyang bersiyon ng baguette. Natikman ko na ang baguette ng Vietnam, Cambodia at Laos. Lahat sila ay may pagkakaiba. Pero ang pinakamasarap para sa akin ay ang sa Laos. Bukod sa talagang malutong ang pagkakaluto ng tinapay ay may kakaibang sarap ang palaman na nilalagay nila sa gitna. Parang liver spread na iba ang lasa. Masarap!
3. Tikalok ng Cambodia. Heavenly! Ito ay iba’t ibang prutas (mga higit sa lima yata) na pinaghalohalo at nilagyan ng yelo, gatas at… itlog na hindi luto. Habang ninamannam ko ang sarap nito ay hindi ko maiaalis ang salitang “salmonella” sa aking isipan. Pero hindi ito napapatigil ang pagkagusto ko sa Tikalok. Minsan, gumawa ako ng tikalok sa bahay. Pero hindi ko pa rin makuha ang tamang lasa. Kaya balik ako sa paglabas para sa tikalok.
2. Bakuwa mula sa Singapore. Ooops! Siguro maraming magsasabi n ang chicken rice ng Singapore ay mas masarap kaysa Bakuwa. Pero subukan niyong pumunta sa Chinatown para subukan ang bakuwa nila. Ang sarap. Huwag kayong bibili sa NTUC. Well, masarap din ang sa NTUC… Pero mas masarap ang Bakuwa ng chinatown. Gusto niyong malaman saan sa chinatown? Punta lang kayo doon kapag chinese new year at hanapin ang pinakamahabang pila. Tiyak na tindahan iyon ng Bakuwa. Hindi ako nagbibiro. Pinipalahan talaga ang bakuwa ng chinatown.
At ang number 1?
1. Sinaing na tulingan ng San Juan, Batangas! Ang sarap! Ilang oras nilang niluluto ang tulingan na nakabalot sa dahon ng saging at nakalagay sa palayok sa mahinang apoy. Nilalagyan din nila ito ng pinatuyong kamyas. Ang sarap! Pati tinik ay nakakain dahil sa lambot!
5. Kaw-kuk-kapi mula Thailand. Aminado ako na kritikal ako sa lutuing Thai. Sa tingin ko nga ay overrated ang Thai Cuisine. At nagtataka pa rin ako kung bakit kilalang-kilala ang pagkaing Thai samantalang walang masyadong kakaiba at “striking” sa pagkaing Thai. Bukod lang siguro sa sobrang anghang ang pagkain nila. Pero solve talaga ako sa Kaw-kuk-kapi. Ito ay kanin na hinaluan ng fish paste. Tapos, may karne, hilaw at tinadtad ng maliliit na gulay (sitaw, sibuyas, atbp.), kinayod na manggang hilaw. Pagkatapos, dapat ay paghahaluin lahat ito atsaka kakainin. Masarap talaga.
4. Baguette mula sa Laos. Ang Vietnam, Cambodia, Laos at iba pang bansa na nasakop ng Pransiya ay may kaniya-kaniyang bersiyon ng baguette. Natikman ko na ang baguette ng Vietnam, Cambodia at Laos. Lahat sila ay may pagkakaiba. Pero ang pinakamasarap para sa akin ay ang sa Laos. Bukod sa talagang malutong ang pagkakaluto ng tinapay ay may kakaibang sarap ang palaman na nilalagay nila sa gitna. Parang liver spread na iba ang lasa. Masarap!
3. Tikalok ng Cambodia. Heavenly! Ito ay iba’t ibang prutas (mga higit sa lima yata) na pinaghalohalo at nilagyan ng yelo, gatas at… itlog na hindi luto. Habang ninamannam ko ang sarap nito ay hindi ko maiaalis ang salitang “salmonella” sa aking isipan. Pero hindi ito napapatigil ang pagkagusto ko sa Tikalok. Minsan, gumawa ako ng tikalok sa bahay. Pero hindi ko pa rin makuha ang tamang lasa. Kaya balik ako sa paglabas para sa tikalok.
2. Bakuwa mula sa Singapore. Ooops! Siguro maraming magsasabi n ang chicken rice ng Singapore ay mas masarap kaysa Bakuwa. Pero subukan niyong pumunta sa Chinatown para subukan ang bakuwa nila. Ang sarap. Huwag kayong bibili sa NTUC. Well, masarap din ang sa NTUC… Pero mas masarap ang Bakuwa ng chinatown. Gusto niyong malaman saan sa chinatown? Punta lang kayo doon kapag chinese new year at hanapin ang pinakamahabang pila. Tiyak na tindahan iyon ng Bakuwa. Hindi ako nagbibiro. Pinipalahan talaga ang bakuwa ng chinatown.
At ang number 1?
1. Sinaing na tulingan ng San Juan, Batangas! Ang sarap! Ilang oras nilang niluluto ang tulingan na nakabalot sa dahon ng saging at nakalagay sa palayok sa mahinang apoy. Nilalagyan din nila ito ng pinatuyong kamyas. Ang sarap! Pati tinik ay nakakain dahil sa lambot!
Arthur Schopenhauer
I've been an Arthur Schopenhauer reader since my teen years.
Arthur Schopenhauer was born in Germany in 1788 and he died in 1860. He taught Philosophy at the University of Berlin were Hegel was also teaching. Hegel was so popular that his classes was jampacked while Schopenhaur's classes were empty.
One of his contentions that I really like is his discussion about suicide. He admired those people who committed suicide by saying that they are really courageious because they are not afraid of even death itself. He even argued that suicide cannot be a crime since what punishment can we give to a man who is not afraid of death.
He also advanced in one of his papers that "the only consolation that we have is that someone is suffering more than we are right now. And that someone's consolation is that another person is suffering more than he is... ad infinitum. And that will give us to endless regress.
Arthur Schopenhauer was born in Germany in 1788 and he died in 1860. He taught Philosophy at the University of Berlin were Hegel was also teaching. Hegel was so popular that his classes was jampacked while Schopenhaur's classes were empty.
One of his contentions that I really like is his discussion about suicide. He admired those people who committed suicide by saying that they are really courageious because they are not afraid of even death itself. He even argued that suicide cannot be a crime since what punishment can we give to a man who is not afraid of death.
He also advanced in one of his papers that "the only consolation that we have is that someone is suffering more than we are right now. And that someone's consolation is that another person is suffering more than he is... ad infinitum. And that will give us to endless regress.
Choices
I have demo teaching at 1PM.
I decided to leave early and be at the appointed place at 10AM. I bathed at 9:30AM. It's really nice. I do have ample time. When I was about to dress up, to my horror, I noticed that there was a hole in my pants. Panic struck me. Where will i get needle and thread?
At that moment, it dawned upon me that I had two options. First is to be rattled and point fingers at myself for not having check my pants the day before. Or thank God that I still have three hours to fix my pants. I decided to do the latter. :-)
I ran to the nearest 7-11 store and asked for needle and thread. The salesclerk pointed to a sewing kit which is really complete. I looked at the price. It's 30baht. Now, for a person who has a limited budget that is something. I was downhearted and kept thinking why are they selling it in such expensive cost. Right there and then it occurred to me that I do have two choices. To commiserate because of the price of the sewing kit or to appreciate that sewing kit is being sold at 7-11 which solved my problem. I chose the latter.
I hurriedly went home and started fixing my pants. While sewing the hole in my pants I can't help but ask why can I not buy my own clothes. You see, all my clothes are hand-me-downs. Mmmmm... I can possibly scorn myself for being so dirt-poor that I cannot even buy my own clothes... or... I can be thankful to God for giving me a sister and a brother-in-law who are so generous to give me used but beautiful and branded clothes. I opted for the last one.
Well, as you see I have decided to be happy and to look at positive things in life. :-)
I decided to leave early and be at the appointed place at 10AM. I bathed at 9:30AM. It's really nice. I do have ample time. When I was about to dress up, to my horror, I noticed that there was a hole in my pants. Panic struck me. Where will i get needle and thread?
At that moment, it dawned upon me that I had two options. First is to be rattled and point fingers at myself for not having check my pants the day before. Or thank God that I still have three hours to fix my pants. I decided to do the latter. :-)
I ran to the nearest 7-11 store and asked for needle and thread. The salesclerk pointed to a sewing kit which is really complete. I looked at the price. It's 30baht. Now, for a person who has a limited budget that is something. I was downhearted and kept thinking why are they selling it in such expensive cost. Right there and then it occurred to me that I do have two choices. To commiserate because of the price of the sewing kit or to appreciate that sewing kit is being sold at 7-11 which solved my problem. I chose the latter.
I hurriedly went home and started fixing my pants. While sewing the hole in my pants I can't help but ask why can I not buy my own clothes. You see, all my clothes are hand-me-downs. Mmmmm... I can possibly scorn myself for being so dirt-poor that I cannot even buy my own clothes... or... I can be thankful to God for giving me a sister and a brother-in-law who are so generous to give me used but beautiful and branded clothes. I opted for the last one.
Well, as you see I have decided to be happy and to look at positive things in life. :-)
Nabasag Ang Banga
Nabasag Ang Banga
inawit ni Atang de la Rama
Nilikha ni Hermogenes Ilagan
may isang dalagang nagsalok ng tubig
kinis ng ganda nya'y hubog sa nilatik
ano at pagkakaibig ng lumapit
ang isang binatang makisig
wika ng dalaga'y 'wag kang magalaw
tugon ng lalaki ako'y kaawaan
sagot ng babae wag kang mamwisit
sambot ng binata ako'y umiibig
ano ang nangyari
nabasag ang banga
'pagkat ang lalaki ay napadupilas
kaya't ang babae lalong umiiyak
at ang sinasabi ay
siya'y napahamak
ang kinasapitan pagdating ng bahay
ano't umiiyak tanong ng magulang
sagot ng dalaga ay mangyari po inay
ako ay tinakot ng isang aswang
nang sasabihin kong wag magalaw
agad nang inagaw ang banga kong tangay
kaya nga po't ako'y umuwing walang dalang tubig
at pati na ang baro nya puno ng putik
ano ang nangyari
nabasag ang banga
'pagkat ang lalaki ay napadupilas
kaya't ang babae lalong umiiyak
at ang sinasabi ay
siya'y napahamak
ano ang nangyari
nabasag ang banga
'pagkat ang lalaki ay napadupilas
kaya't ang babae lalong umiiyak
at ang sinasabi ay
siya'y napahamak
...
at ang sinasabi ay
siya'y napahamak
Ang awiting ito ay isa sa mga paborito ko noong aking kabataan. Ang kantang "Nabasag Ang Banga" ay inawit ni Atang de a Rama at ang titik ay pag-aari ni Hermogenes Ilagan. Naalala ko pa noon na lagi ko itong ipinapakanta sa aking Lola na si Lola Daday (Eleuteria Distrajo). Dahil din sa awiting ito nagtatalo ang aking isipan tungkol sa kung papaano magsulat.
Ang "Nabasag Ang Banga" ay hitik na hitik sa anyo at retorika. Sa tingin ko, ginamit ng may-akda ang banga upang iabot sa mga mambabasa at mga makikinig ang ideya ng pagtatalik ng babae at lalaki. Ngunit ako ay hindi sigurado sa ganitong hinuha. Maaaring iba ang gustong ipakihulugan ni Hermogenes Ilagan.
Naisip ko tuloy na mas maigi na maging payak at diretso ang pagkukuwento. ... See More
Naalala ko tuloy ang kuwento tungkol sa isang bata na mahilig magbasa ng Wakasan (popular na komiks noong dekada sitenta). May tagpo sa kanyang binabasa na ginagahasa ng lalaki ang isang babae. At ganito inilihad ng manunulat ang kanyang kuwento tungkol sa gahasa. "At pilit na inaagaw ni Rosendo ang bulaklak ni Maria habang pilit namang tinatakpan ng huli ang kanyang bulaklak habang sumisigaw."
Sa madaling salita, nagkaroon ng ideya ang bata na ang gahasa ay kung meron ang isang tao na pilit inaagaw ng iba. Lumipas ang ilaw araw, nakita ng bata ang kanyang kuya na inaagaw nito ang kanyang tsinelas mula sa pagkakakagat ng aso nila. Ang aso naman ay mahigpit ang pagkakakagat sa tsinelas ng kanyang kuya. Ang bata ay patakbong nagsumbong sa kanyang Nanay.
"Nanay! Nanay! Si Kuya! Ginagahasa si Bantay!"
Dahil dito, naisip ko na mas maigi na maging payak at diretso ang paglalahad ng kuwento.
inawit ni Atang de la Rama
Nilikha ni Hermogenes Ilagan
may isang dalagang nagsalok ng tubig
kinis ng ganda nya'y hubog sa nilatik
ano at pagkakaibig ng lumapit
ang isang binatang makisig
wika ng dalaga'y 'wag kang magalaw
tugon ng lalaki ako'y kaawaan
sagot ng babae wag kang mamwisit
sambot ng binata ako'y umiibig
ano ang nangyari
nabasag ang banga
'pagkat ang lalaki ay napadupilas
kaya't ang babae lalong umiiyak
at ang sinasabi ay
siya'y napahamak
ang kinasapitan pagdating ng bahay
ano't umiiyak tanong ng magulang
sagot ng dalaga ay mangyari po inay
ako ay tinakot ng isang aswang
nang sasabihin kong wag magalaw
agad nang inagaw ang banga kong tangay
kaya nga po't ako'y umuwing walang dalang tubig
at pati na ang baro nya puno ng putik
ano ang nangyari
nabasag ang banga
'pagkat ang lalaki ay napadupilas
kaya't ang babae lalong umiiyak
at ang sinasabi ay
siya'y napahamak
ano ang nangyari
nabasag ang banga
'pagkat ang lalaki ay napadupilas
kaya't ang babae lalong umiiyak
at ang sinasabi ay
siya'y napahamak
...
at ang sinasabi ay
siya'y napahamak
Ang awiting ito ay isa sa mga paborito ko noong aking kabataan. Ang kantang "Nabasag Ang Banga" ay inawit ni Atang de a Rama at ang titik ay pag-aari ni Hermogenes Ilagan. Naalala ko pa noon na lagi ko itong ipinapakanta sa aking Lola na si Lola Daday (Eleuteria Distrajo). Dahil din sa awiting ito nagtatalo ang aking isipan tungkol sa kung papaano magsulat.
Ang "Nabasag Ang Banga" ay hitik na hitik sa anyo at retorika. Sa tingin ko, ginamit ng may-akda ang banga upang iabot sa mga mambabasa at mga makikinig ang ideya ng pagtatalik ng babae at lalaki. Ngunit ako ay hindi sigurado sa ganitong hinuha. Maaaring iba ang gustong ipakihulugan ni Hermogenes Ilagan.
Naisip ko tuloy na mas maigi na maging payak at diretso ang pagkukuwento. ... See More
Naalala ko tuloy ang kuwento tungkol sa isang bata na mahilig magbasa ng Wakasan (popular na komiks noong dekada sitenta). May tagpo sa kanyang binabasa na ginagahasa ng lalaki ang isang babae. At ganito inilihad ng manunulat ang kanyang kuwento tungkol sa gahasa. "At pilit na inaagaw ni Rosendo ang bulaklak ni Maria habang pilit namang tinatakpan ng huli ang kanyang bulaklak habang sumisigaw."
Sa madaling salita, nagkaroon ng ideya ang bata na ang gahasa ay kung meron ang isang tao na pilit inaagaw ng iba. Lumipas ang ilaw araw, nakita ng bata ang kanyang kuya na inaagaw nito ang kanyang tsinelas mula sa pagkakakagat ng aso nila. Ang aso naman ay mahigpit ang pagkakakagat sa tsinelas ng kanyang kuya. Ang bata ay patakbong nagsumbong sa kanyang Nanay.
"Nanay! Nanay! Si Kuya! Ginagahasa si Bantay!"
Dahil dito, naisip ko na mas maigi na maging payak at diretso ang paglalahad ng kuwento.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Let's Give A Clap Offering To The Lord
There is one thing that troubles me when I attend worship services. It is when the worship leader says, “Let’s give a clap offering to the Lord.”
Is clapping of hands appropriate in worship?
I say no.
I searched the Scriptures for any thing that is related to clapping of hands especially that which pertains to worship. I found out that most passages that speak about clapping has a negative connotation. Clapping of hands was negatively mentioned in the Bible. Allow me to share to you these passages.
2 Kings 11:12
“Jehoiada brought out the king's son and put the crown on him; he presented him with a copy of the covenant and proclaimed him king. They anointed him, and the people clapped their hands and shouted, "Long live the king!"
This passage cannot be used to support the clapping of hands in worship because the Israelites clapped their hands for Joash whom Jehoiada proclaimed as king. They did not clap their hands to worship Yahweh.
Job 21:5
“Look at me and be astonished; clap your hand over your mouth.”
Now, we know what a torment Satan put on Job. Job was being tested and he lost and suffered so much. He was talking to his friend, Zophar the Naamathite, about his experience. This passage does not denote worship of God but about the sufferings of Job. Therefore, this passage cannot be used to support clapping of hands in worship.
Job 27:23
“It claps its hands in derision and hisses him out of his place.”
This passage surely cannot be used to support the clapping of hands in worship because Job talks about wicked people being judged by God and “east wind” claps its hand as it delivers the sad fate of the wicked. Definitely, this is a negative connotation for clapping of hands.
Job 34:37
“To his sin he adds rebellion; scornfully he claps his hands among us and multiplies his words against God."
Another classic of example of a negative connotation of clapping of hands in the Bible. This passage speaks clearly of it.
Proverbs 30:32
“If you have played the fool and exalted yourself, or if you have planned evil, clap your hand over your mouth!”
King Solomon tells us that those people who planned evil and are fools can clap their hands over their mouth. Surely, this cannot be used to support clapping of hands in worship.
Lamentations 2:15
“All who pass your way clap their hands at you; they scoff and shake their heads at the Daughter of Jerusalem: ‘Is this the city that was called the perfection of beauty, the joy of the whole earth?’”
Let us study the circumstances behind this passage. Lamentations was written when Israel was rebelling against God. And so, God judged Israel severely by proclaiming that Israel will suffer defeat against her enemies. Others will clap their hands for the fallen and defeated Israel. Can this passage be used to support worship of God then?
Ezekiel 25:6-7
For this is what the Sovereign LORD says: Because you have clapped your hands and stamped your feet, rejoicing with all the malice of your heart against the land of Israel,
therefore I will stretch out my hand against you and give you as plunder to the nations. I will cut you off from the nations and exterminate you from the countries. I will destroy you, and you will know that I am the LORD.' "
This passage tells us about God’s judgment against Ammonites because they clapped their hands and rejoice malice against Israel. A classic example of a passage where clapping of hands has a negative connotation!
Nahum 3:19
“Nothing can heal your wound; your injury is fatal. Everyone who hears the news about you claps his hands at your fall, for who has not felt your endless cruelty?”
This is part of the prophesy against Assyria. Nahum prophesied against Assyria that they will be slaughtered. And people will clap their hands when they hear it. What a negative connotation about clapping! This definitely cannot be used to support clapping of hands in worship.
Though, there are three passages in the Bible that can be seen as not “negative”. These passages are:
Psalm 47:1
“Clap your hands, all you nations; shout to God with cries of joy.”
I do admit that this passage speaks positively about clapping of hands. But what I learned in correctly interpreting the Scriptures is that we cannot base our theology in just one passage. The Bible is so well-organized that all doctrines are systematically supported not only by one passage but by the whole Bible.
Psalm 98:8
“Let the rivers clap their hands, Let the mountains sing together for joy;”
This passage doesn’t talk about people clapping their hands to God. It’s the rivers!
Isaiah 55:12
“You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.”
This passage also doesn’t talk about people clapping their hands to God. It is the trees in the field!
Let me tell you another thing.
I really get jittery every time worshippers clap their hands after I preach. I always wonder if they clap their hands to God or to me. They may say that they are clapping their hands to God when they clap their hands after I preach. But I still couldn’t be sure. I feel creepy about the idea that probably some of them are clapping their hands to me as they agree with me. And I don’t want to rob God of what is due to Him!
This is also the same when some clap their hands after a “solo in song” in worship services. I wonder if they clap their hands to God or they clap their hands because the singer had a superb rendition of a song.
Therefore, for us not to fall in such a trap it is better not to clap during worship services.
Lastly, let us study “clapping of hands” in light of what a worship is.
Worship Service is like a heavenly drama.
We, the worshippers, are the performers, the worship leader is the prompter and the audience should be God.
It should be God who can clap His hands to us as He says, “Well done, my children!” as we worship Him in Spirit and in truth.
Is clapping of hands appropriate in worship?
I say no.
I searched the Scriptures for any thing that is related to clapping of hands especially that which pertains to worship. I found out that most passages that speak about clapping has a negative connotation. Clapping of hands was negatively mentioned in the Bible. Allow me to share to you these passages.
2 Kings 11:12
“Jehoiada brought out the king's son and put the crown on him; he presented him with a copy of the covenant and proclaimed him king. They anointed him, and the people clapped their hands and shouted, "Long live the king!"
This passage cannot be used to support the clapping of hands in worship because the Israelites clapped their hands for Joash whom Jehoiada proclaimed as king. They did not clap their hands to worship Yahweh.
Job 21:5
“Look at me and be astonished; clap your hand over your mouth.”
Now, we know what a torment Satan put on Job. Job was being tested and he lost and suffered so much. He was talking to his friend, Zophar the Naamathite, about his experience. This passage does not denote worship of God but about the sufferings of Job. Therefore, this passage cannot be used to support clapping of hands in worship.
Job 27:23
“It claps its hands in derision and hisses him out of his place.”
This passage surely cannot be used to support the clapping of hands in worship because Job talks about wicked people being judged by God and “east wind” claps its hand as it delivers the sad fate of the wicked. Definitely, this is a negative connotation for clapping of hands.
Job 34:37
“To his sin he adds rebellion; scornfully he claps his hands among us and multiplies his words against God."
Another classic of example of a negative connotation of clapping of hands in the Bible. This passage speaks clearly of it.
Proverbs 30:32
“If you have played the fool and exalted yourself, or if you have planned evil, clap your hand over your mouth!”
King Solomon tells us that those people who planned evil and are fools can clap their hands over their mouth. Surely, this cannot be used to support clapping of hands in worship.
Lamentations 2:15
“All who pass your way clap their hands at you; they scoff and shake their heads at the Daughter of Jerusalem: ‘Is this the city that was called the perfection of beauty, the joy of the whole earth?’”
Let us study the circumstances behind this passage. Lamentations was written when Israel was rebelling against God. And so, God judged Israel severely by proclaiming that Israel will suffer defeat against her enemies. Others will clap their hands for the fallen and defeated Israel. Can this passage be used to support worship of God then?
Ezekiel 25:6-7
For this is what the Sovereign LORD says: Because you have clapped your hands and stamped your feet, rejoicing with all the malice of your heart against the land of Israel,
therefore I will stretch out my hand against you and give you as plunder to the nations. I will cut you off from the nations and exterminate you from the countries. I will destroy you, and you will know that I am the LORD.' "
This passage tells us about God’s judgment against Ammonites because they clapped their hands and rejoice malice against Israel. A classic example of a passage where clapping of hands has a negative connotation!
Nahum 3:19
“Nothing can heal your wound; your injury is fatal. Everyone who hears the news about you claps his hands at your fall, for who has not felt your endless cruelty?”
This is part of the prophesy against Assyria. Nahum prophesied against Assyria that they will be slaughtered. And people will clap their hands when they hear it. What a negative connotation about clapping! This definitely cannot be used to support clapping of hands in worship.
Though, there are three passages in the Bible that can be seen as not “negative”. These passages are:
Psalm 47:1
“Clap your hands, all you nations; shout to God with cries of joy.”
I do admit that this passage speaks positively about clapping of hands. But what I learned in correctly interpreting the Scriptures is that we cannot base our theology in just one passage. The Bible is so well-organized that all doctrines are systematically supported not only by one passage but by the whole Bible.
Psalm 98:8
“Let the rivers clap their hands, Let the mountains sing together for joy;”
This passage doesn’t talk about people clapping their hands to God. It’s the rivers!
Isaiah 55:12
“You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.”
This passage also doesn’t talk about people clapping their hands to God. It is the trees in the field!
Let me tell you another thing.
I really get jittery every time worshippers clap their hands after I preach. I always wonder if they clap their hands to God or to me. They may say that they are clapping their hands to God when they clap their hands after I preach. But I still couldn’t be sure. I feel creepy about the idea that probably some of them are clapping their hands to me as they agree with me. And I don’t want to rob God of what is due to Him!
This is also the same when some clap their hands after a “solo in song” in worship services. I wonder if they clap their hands to God or they clap their hands because the singer had a superb rendition of a song.
Therefore, for us not to fall in such a trap it is better not to clap during worship services.
Lastly, let us study “clapping of hands” in light of what a worship is.
Worship Service is like a heavenly drama.
We, the worshippers, are the performers, the worship leader is the prompter and the audience should be God.
It should be God who can clap His hands to us as He says, “Well done, my children!” as we worship Him in Spirit and in truth.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Gossip
Imagine this.
You live in a beautiful house in a beautiful community. Probably not comparable to Beverly Hills but it makes you happy to live there. it is an upscale county with its own sports club. All your neighbors are accomplished and professionals: doctors, lawyers, engineers, teachers, etc. The company where you are working is just 5 minutes drive. But most of all, your community is complete. There is a market nearby where you can buy all the things that you need. There is a good school where your children can go to. And there is a church.
The church looks awesome. The chapel is breathtaking. Its architectural design is great but not imposing. The pews are soft and comfortable. Its has heater and AC. And it is recognized in the whole christendom as a church with a high tithing. In fact, it supports minor churches of other villages.
But you dread going to that church.
You dread going to that church because you don't feel you are part of that church. You really cannot feel any sense of belongingness.
(Don't worry. I won't tell you how wrong you feel. Your feeling may be unjustifiable but it is still valid as all other feelings are. )
Probably, you are thinking of what other parishioners are thinking as you march to the only vacant pew which is in front. Here are some of them:
"Hey, have you heard that she's seeing a psychotherapist now. She must really be insane."
"Do you know that her son was apprehended last night while having a pot session? I pity her for having a wretched family."
"I saw her last night and she is dating a boy twenty years younger than her. What a cradle snatcher!"
And so on and so forth.
If you feel and think that way I am sure that the sinful woman in Luke 7: 36-50 can relate with you.
The sinful woman entered the house of a pharisee where righteous and successful pharisees were feasting (vv. 36-37). Jesus was there.
I guess that the sinful woman also dreaded going to that soiree. He was thinking that righteous people there will just talk about her condescendingly. And she was right! (v. 39) They were really gossiping about her.
Did it stop her from going there? No. She went there and did what she wanted to do. And that is to worship Jesus (vv. 37-38).
Surely, Jesus knew how the sinful woman felt. And probably He tried to allay that feeling by dealing with the issue right away. He did it by telling the story about the moneylender (vv. 40-47).
And Jesus is telling you know what Jesus told that sinful woman, "Your sins are forgiven." (verse 48).
So, when you are hesitating to go to a place of worship because of what others might be thinking.
When you don't feel accepted when you walk down the isle to sit in that vacant pew.
When you feel that all eyes are on you as the pastor delivers his 3-point sermon.
Look to that cross at the altar and hear what Jesus is telling you...
"Your sins are forgiven."
You live in a beautiful house in a beautiful community. Probably not comparable to Beverly Hills but it makes you happy to live there. it is an upscale county with its own sports club. All your neighbors are accomplished and professionals: doctors, lawyers, engineers, teachers, etc. The company where you are working is just 5 minutes drive. But most of all, your community is complete. There is a market nearby where you can buy all the things that you need. There is a good school where your children can go to. And there is a church.
The church looks awesome. The chapel is breathtaking. Its architectural design is great but not imposing. The pews are soft and comfortable. Its has heater and AC. And it is recognized in the whole christendom as a church with a high tithing. In fact, it supports minor churches of other villages.
But you dread going to that church.
You dread going to that church because you don't feel you are part of that church. You really cannot feel any sense of belongingness.
(Don't worry. I won't tell you how wrong you feel. Your feeling may be unjustifiable but it is still valid as all other feelings are. )
Probably, you are thinking of what other parishioners are thinking as you march to the only vacant pew which is in front. Here are some of them:
"Hey, have you heard that she's seeing a psychotherapist now. She must really be insane."
"Do you know that her son was apprehended last night while having a pot session? I pity her for having a wretched family."
"I saw her last night and she is dating a boy twenty years younger than her. What a cradle snatcher!"
And so on and so forth.
If you feel and think that way I am sure that the sinful woman in Luke 7: 36-50 can relate with you.
The sinful woman entered the house of a pharisee where righteous and successful pharisees were feasting (vv. 36-37). Jesus was there.
I guess that the sinful woman also dreaded going to that soiree. He was thinking that righteous people there will just talk about her condescendingly. And she was right! (v. 39) They were really gossiping about her.
Did it stop her from going there? No. She went there and did what she wanted to do. And that is to worship Jesus (vv. 37-38).
Surely, Jesus knew how the sinful woman felt. And probably He tried to allay that feeling by dealing with the issue right away. He did it by telling the story about the moneylender (vv. 40-47).
And Jesus is telling you know what Jesus told that sinful woman, "Your sins are forgiven." (verse 48).
So, when you are hesitating to go to a place of worship because of what others might be thinking.
When you don't feel accepted when you walk down the isle to sit in that vacant pew.
When you feel that all eyes are on you as the pastor delivers his 3-point sermon.
Look to that cross at the altar and hear what Jesus is telling you...
"Your sins are forgiven."
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Why Bro. Eddie Should Not Run For President
There is a debate right now among my friends regarding the presidential candidacy of Bro. Eddie Villianueva, the founder of JIL (Jesus Is Lord Fellowship), a born-again charismatic group here in the Philippines. Some are pro and some are against.
Allow me to give you my two-cents worth of idea.
Why am I not in favor of the candidacy of Bro. Eddie Villanueva? Simply because he is a church leader and it may violate Article 2 Section 6 of the 1987 Philippine Constitution that states, "The separation of the state and the church shall be inviolable."
The said law was upheld in the Executive Order No. 2, Book 2, Chapter 1 Section 6 under the title, "Basic Principles and Policies".
A very good friend, Pastor Vincent Olaer contended that, "they only need to be separated in function, but not in spiritual and moral values. The Church functions as a spiritual adviser of the state, while the state functions as a ruling government of the state which covers the church as well."
Though there is a very thin delineation between advising the state on spirituality and morality and governing. There is an eminent danger that religious advising might encroach and overlap with political matters. Imagine if the Philippines is not a Catholic nation. Let us say that majority of Filipinos are pagans where beheading is common. Would you like their priests and priestesses to advise the President in that capacity? Surely not!
As Christians, we should set an example on how to respect our laws. It may set a precedence for other religious leaders to run for a post just to have a political clout. And it is very frightening to think that my equal right as a Filipino will be endangered by sectoral (or should I say religious) biases.
One may say that we cannot stop Bro. Eddie from running because he is not the church. He is just a pious person. May I remind everyone that Bro. Eddie is the founder and present leader of JIL Movement. In fact, he is bragging that he can command and get millions of votes from members of JIL Movement. Therefore, we cannot disconnect Bro. Eddie from JIL. In some extent, he represents and will represent JIL Movement and all other pentecostal groups.
He may step down from JIL leadership but there is a danger that the thin line that separates the church and state will be infringed.
One may even deduce that Bro. Eddie is just like President Arroyo who is a pious catholic. Now, that is wrong syllogism. We cannot compare Bro. Eddie with President Arroyo in terms of involvement in and in representing the church. President Arroyo is not a church leader. Yes, she is pious as can be seen by her consistency in attending catholic gatherings and in her being vocal in her spiritual stance. But the fact is she did not found any church and she is not at the helm of the catholic church.
I can accept the comparison between Ayatollah Ali al-Sistani of Iran who is the spiritual leader in Iran and Bro. Eddie but not between President Arroyo and Bro. Eddie. Hell, even Ayatollah doesn't dream of being elected as the President of Iran. They still have President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad!
Moreover, it is my conviction that Jesus desires that political power should be delineated from spiritual powers. As to quote Him, "Give to Caesar what belongs to Caesar and give to God what belongs to God". (Matthew 22:21. NLT)
Another friend posited that this passage pertains only to taxation and not about political matters. Isn't it that taxation is a political matter? Taxation is part and parcel of politics and we cannot separate the two.
In studying a passage we have to know the surrounding facts about it. I believe that Matthew Henry has a good analysis of the said passage. Matthew Henry said that, to quote, "Ministers that would mind their business, and please their master, must not entangle themselves in the affairs of this life: they forfeit the guidance of God's Spirit, and the convoy of his providence when they thus go out of their way. Christ discusses not the emperor's title, but enjoins a peaceable subjection to the powers that be." (Matthew Henry Commentary of the Whole Bible)
It is suffice to say that Matthew Henry does interpret the passage as Christ's recognition that we, Christians, should recognize earthly powers. Therefore, this passage does not pertain only to taxation per se but to the whole political or governance issue.
Thus, "give unto Caesar what is due unto Caesar and unto God what is due unto God." We should leave political matters to politicos and let us all concentrate in doing what God wants us to do. Sharing the Gospel. Sharing His love.
Justice Roberts of the U.S. Supreme Court has a good reason why we should all adhere to the absolute separation of the state and the church. He said, "In the realm of religious faith, and in that of political belief, sharp differences arise. In both fields, the tenets of one man may seem the rankest error to his neighbor. To persuade others to his own point of view, the pleader, as we know, at times, resorts to exaggeration, to vilification of men who have been, or are, prominent in church or state, and even to false statement. But the people of this nation have ordained in the light of history, that, in spite of the probability of excesses and abuses, these liberties are, in the long view, essential to enlightened opinion and right conduct on the part of the citizens of a democracy." (Cantwell v. Connecticut, 310 U. S. 296, 310 U. S. 310 (1940))
Furthermore, let us all be reminded that there are so many religious groups here. As Filipinos, we have to live in harmony with one another. I strongly believe that religious leaders should refrain from engaging in politics for sectoral and religious harmony amongst all groups in the Philippines.
Allow me to give you my two-cents worth of idea.
Why am I not in favor of the candidacy of Bro. Eddie Villanueva? Simply because he is a church leader and it may violate Article 2 Section 6 of the 1987 Philippine Constitution that states, "The separation of the state and the church shall be inviolable."
The said law was upheld in the Executive Order No. 2, Book 2, Chapter 1 Section 6 under the title, "Basic Principles and Policies".
A very good friend, Pastor Vincent Olaer contended that, "they only need to be separated in function, but not in spiritual and moral values. The Church functions as a spiritual adviser of the state, while the state functions as a ruling government of the state which covers the church as well."
Though there is a very thin delineation between advising the state on spirituality and morality and governing. There is an eminent danger that religious advising might encroach and overlap with political matters. Imagine if the Philippines is not a Catholic nation. Let us say that majority of Filipinos are pagans where beheading is common. Would you like their priests and priestesses to advise the President in that capacity? Surely not!
As Christians, we should set an example on how to respect our laws. It may set a precedence for other religious leaders to run for a post just to have a political clout. And it is very frightening to think that my equal right as a Filipino will be endangered by sectoral (or should I say religious) biases.
One may say that we cannot stop Bro. Eddie from running because he is not the church. He is just a pious person. May I remind everyone that Bro. Eddie is the founder and present leader of JIL Movement. In fact, he is bragging that he can command and get millions of votes from members of JIL Movement. Therefore, we cannot disconnect Bro. Eddie from JIL. In some extent, he represents and will represent JIL Movement and all other pentecostal groups.
He may step down from JIL leadership but there is a danger that the thin line that separates the church and state will be infringed.
One may even deduce that Bro. Eddie is just like President Arroyo who is a pious catholic. Now, that is wrong syllogism. We cannot compare Bro. Eddie with President Arroyo in terms of involvement in and in representing the church. President Arroyo is not a church leader. Yes, she is pious as can be seen by her consistency in attending catholic gatherings and in her being vocal in her spiritual stance. But the fact is she did not found any church and she is not at the helm of the catholic church.
I can accept the comparison between Ayatollah Ali al-Sistani of Iran who is the spiritual leader in Iran and Bro. Eddie but not between President Arroyo and Bro. Eddie. Hell, even Ayatollah doesn't dream of being elected as the President of Iran. They still have President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad!
Moreover, it is my conviction that Jesus desires that political power should be delineated from spiritual powers. As to quote Him, "Give to Caesar what belongs to Caesar and give to God what belongs to God". (Matthew 22:21. NLT)
Another friend posited that this passage pertains only to taxation and not about political matters. Isn't it that taxation is a political matter? Taxation is part and parcel of politics and we cannot separate the two.
In studying a passage we have to know the surrounding facts about it. I believe that Matthew Henry has a good analysis of the said passage. Matthew Henry said that, to quote, "Ministers that would mind their business, and please their master, must not entangle themselves in the affairs of this life: they forfeit the guidance of God's Spirit, and the convoy of his providence when they thus go out of their way. Christ discusses not the emperor's title, but enjoins a peaceable subjection to the powers that be." (Matthew Henry Commentary of the Whole Bible)
It is suffice to say that Matthew Henry does interpret the passage as Christ's recognition that we, Christians, should recognize earthly powers. Therefore, this passage does not pertain only to taxation per se but to the whole political or governance issue.
Thus, "give unto Caesar what is due unto Caesar and unto God what is due unto God." We should leave political matters to politicos and let us all concentrate in doing what God wants us to do. Sharing the Gospel. Sharing His love.
Justice Roberts of the U.S. Supreme Court has a good reason why we should all adhere to the absolute separation of the state and the church. He said, "In the realm of religious faith, and in that of political belief, sharp differences arise. In both fields, the tenets of one man may seem the rankest error to his neighbor. To persuade others to his own point of view, the pleader, as we know, at times, resorts to exaggeration, to vilification of men who have been, or are, prominent in church or state, and even to false statement. But the people of this nation have ordained in the light of history, that, in spite of the probability of excesses and abuses, these liberties are, in the long view, essential to enlightened opinion and right conduct on the part of the citizens of a democracy." (Cantwell v. Connecticut, 310 U. S. 296, 310 U. S. 310 (1940))
Furthermore, let us all be reminded that there are so many religious groups here. As Filipinos, we have to live in harmony with one another. I strongly believe that religious leaders should refrain from engaging in politics for sectoral and religious harmony amongst all groups in the Philippines.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Friday, June 12, 2009
I Will Survive
These past three months or so, so many bad things happened to me. :-)
I got so depressed because of this that I feel like life is so worthless. I had this feeeling that i am a failure.
It was one of the lowest points in my life. It seems like I didn’t have the desire and the drive to live.
It was the result of so many setbacks, misfortunes, etc.
I had to travel back to Cambodia last January and when I reach Cambodia I don’t even have one dollar in my pocket. How will I survive without money? I don’t want to stay at my friends’ house because I was really depressed and I I am sure that my relationship with them will turn sour because of my depression. So, I decided to live alone.
That was just one of my cares then.
Now, it is Khmer New Year. And I am bent on changing my belief, my world view. I no longer want to live in negativism. I want to have positive outlook in life. I will fight on. I will win in this game called life. There are so many things I need to do to win in this game.
First, I need to earn more money.
Now, I am teaching in a school that pays me 7USD per hour. WIth this, I am supposed to be getting 500 - 600 USD per month. But because I teach the highest level in General English Program in our school there were a lot ot times that my students were absent. And if my students were absent, then, I won’t be paid. It’s like this. Lower level classes in our school have a lot of students. But as the level of classes go up so is the number of student. There is even one class that I only have one student. And if that student is absent, then, I won’t be paid for that particular class in that particular day. So, last pay day I only got 210USD. And, I can’t survive with this little amount. I need to find more money.
Few days ago, I talked to someone in the administration and asked if i can be given 6 classes per day. He said that he will see what he can do.
Though, I think that I still I need to look for more teaching jobs. Next week, after Khmer New Year I will visit two more schools to submit my CV and credentials. And I can only keep my fingers crossed. If my present school can’t give me more classes then I hope I can teach in more schools.
Please pray for me.
I will try to update you as soon often as I can.
Thank you very much for feeling with me.
I got so depressed because of this that I feel like life is so worthless. I had this feeeling that i am a failure.
It was one of the lowest points in my life. It seems like I didn’t have the desire and the drive to live.
It was the result of so many setbacks, misfortunes, etc.
I had to travel back to Cambodia last January and when I reach Cambodia I don’t even have one dollar in my pocket. How will I survive without money? I don’t want to stay at my friends’ house because I was really depressed and I I am sure that my relationship with them will turn sour because of my depression. So, I decided to live alone.
That was just one of my cares then.
Now, it is Khmer New Year. And I am bent on changing my belief, my world view. I no longer want to live in negativism. I want to have positive outlook in life. I will fight on. I will win in this game called life. There are so many things I need to do to win in this game.
First, I need to earn more money.
Now, I am teaching in a school that pays me 7USD per hour. WIth this, I am supposed to be getting 500 - 600 USD per month. But because I teach the highest level in General English Program in our school there were a lot ot times that my students were absent. And if my students were absent, then, I won’t be paid. It’s like this. Lower level classes in our school have a lot of students. But as the level of classes go up so is the number of student. There is even one class that I only have one student. And if that student is absent, then, I won’t be paid for that particular class in that particular day. So, last pay day I only got 210USD. And, I can’t survive with this little amount. I need to find more money.
Few days ago, I talked to someone in the administration and asked if i can be given 6 classes per day. He said that he will see what he can do.
Though, I think that I still I need to look for more teaching jobs. Next week, after Khmer New Year I will visit two more schools to submit my CV and credentials. And I can only keep my fingers crossed. If my present school can’t give me more classes then I hope I can teach in more schools.
Please pray for me.
I will try to update you as soon often as I can.
Thank you very much for feeling with me.
Bacteria Galore
Here it is.
Since my budget nowadays is limited, I’ve decided not to eat at upscale restaurants. Instead, I inhabit cheap eateries which is similar to Philippines’ Turo-Turo. There is one eatery that I frequent. They serve cheap food. The ambience is… well… less to be desired. But I reasoned out that I am going there only to fill up my tummy. I don’t have any complaint with that eatery and its owner. In fact, they became my friends. Very good friends indeed.
My bizaare experience started when I decided once to buy cooked food from foodstalls one can find along main streets.
I bought a chunk of roasted pork. I asked the vendor how much is it and he told me that it costs 3,000riel. That’s cheap! 3,000riel is around 75 U.S. cents.
My frustration came when he picked up that chunk of pork using his bare hand! Wait! What if that guy just scratched his… Gosh!
In my disgust, I abruptly left the stall without saying any word.
I transferred to a food stall which is around 100 meters away from the stall I first approached. I ordered rice and sausage (very similar to Philippine Longganiza). To my dismay, the vendor picked up the gastronomic sausage using her bare hands! I wasn’t able to help myself, so, I violently told her as I turn my back to leave, “Can you not use a plastic to pick that up? Or maybe use a serving spoon!”
I ended up eating nothing for dinner.
This morning, i decided to buy Nompao (similar to Philippine Siopao, a bread with meat as filling) for my breakfast. I can see the steam coming out from the steamer. Nice! I ordered two. Shock of all shocks! The vendor picked up Nompao using her bare hand!
Wow! Now, I know why mortarity is very high in Cambodia. I wish the government and civic groups will focus in educating Khmer how to handle food properly.
Enough of this for the moment. I need to visit a drugstore to buy Zentel (a drug to annhilitate parasites in one’s body).
Ciao!
Since my budget nowadays is limited, I’ve decided not to eat at upscale restaurants. Instead, I inhabit cheap eateries which is similar to Philippines’ Turo-Turo. There is one eatery that I frequent. They serve cheap food. The ambience is… well… less to be desired. But I reasoned out that I am going there only to fill up my tummy. I don’t have any complaint with that eatery and its owner. In fact, they became my friends. Very good friends indeed.
My bizaare experience started when I decided once to buy cooked food from foodstalls one can find along main streets.
I bought a chunk of roasted pork. I asked the vendor how much is it and he told me that it costs 3,000riel. That’s cheap! 3,000riel is around 75 U.S. cents.
My frustration came when he picked up that chunk of pork using his bare hand! Wait! What if that guy just scratched his… Gosh!
In my disgust, I abruptly left the stall without saying any word.
I transferred to a food stall which is around 100 meters away from the stall I first approached. I ordered rice and sausage (very similar to Philippine Longganiza). To my dismay, the vendor picked up the gastronomic sausage using her bare hands! I wasn’t able to help myself, so, I violently told her as I turn my back to leave, “Can you not use a plastic to pick that up? Or maybe use a serving spoon!”
I ended up eating nothing for dinner.
This morning, i decided to buy Nompao (similar to Philippine Siopao, a bread with meat as filling) for my breakfast. I can see the steam coming out from the steamer. Nice! I ordered two. Shock of all shocks! The vendor picked up Nompao using her bare hand!
Wow! Now, I know why mortarity is very high in Cambodia. I wish the government and civic groups will focus in educating Khmer how to handle food properly.
Enough of this for the moment. I need to visit a drugstore to buy Zentel (a drug to annhilitate parasites in one’s body).
Ciao!
Spiritual Dryness
I am reminded of Saul’s experience when “God departed from him”. I guess Saul was wanting to be near God. He tried to draw close to God. Though he felt that God had turned a deaf ear on him. Well, we know the reason. Sin separates us from God. This past few weeks I’ve tried to spend more time with God. Read His word. Talked to Him in prayers. But it seems the connection was not there. Of course, we should not depend on feelings.
I know that there is something wrong. I know for sure that my fellowship with God is not in the right tract.
Anyway, I’ve decided to be persistent in my pleadings to God. Even though the feeling is not there. Even though He seems so far away. I can only hope and pray that He will turn to me and hear my cry. I hope that the feeling will come back again.
I know that there is something wrong. I know for sure that my fellowship with God is not in the right tract.
Anyway, I’ve decided to be persistent in my pleadings to God. Even though the feeling is not there. Even though He seems so far away. I can only hope and pray that He will turn to me and hear my cry. I hope that the feeling will come back again.
Bumming Around
I am jobless here in Cambodia. No involvement in any organization or cause. I spend most of my time inside my room. In short, I am a bum.
So many people broached the idea that I should just go back to the Philippines. Well, it may seem plausible. It will be a good opportunity for me to see doctors for my ailments. At present, I am limping because of my right foot.
But my decision is not to leave Cambodia. As you see, I already submitted my CV to almost 35 schools. If I will go back to the Philippines all my efforts (typing and photocopying application letters and CV, mailing application letters, CVs and credentials to schools in the provinces, handcarrying my application letters to schools here in Phnom Penh) in applying to these schools will just go to waste.
For me, going back to the Philippines is tantamount to accepting defeat. And I am not sure if I can take that. And if that will happen there will be a big possibilty for me to wallow in self-pity thinking that I’ve been a failure once again.
Mind you, it is not easy to be here without work. Before, I’ve experienced not to eat for 5 days. And I am willing to experience the same again just to overcome the feeling that I’ve failed once again.
I am reminded of a poem “Don’t Quit” and I recite that poem every now and then. The poem goes like this :
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest! if you must; but don’t you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don’t give up, though the pace seems slow;
You might succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor’s cup.
And he learned too late, when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit;
It’s when things seem worst that you mustn’t quit.
So many people broached the idea that I should just go back to the Philippines. Well, it may seem plausible. It will be a good opportunity for me to see doctors for my ailments. At present, I am limping because of my right foot.
But my decision is not to leave Cambodia. As you see, I already submitted my CV to almost 35 schools. If I will go back to the Philippines all my efforts (typing and photocopying application letters and CV, mailing application letters, CVs and credentials to schools in the provinces, handcarrying my application letters to schools here in Phnom Penh) in applying to these schools will just go to waste.
For me, going back to the Philippines is tantamount to accepting defeat. And I am not sure if I can take that. And if that will happen there will be a big possibilty for me to wallow in self-pity thinking that I’ve been a failure once again.
Mind you, it is not easy to be here without work. Before, I’ve experienced not to eat for 5 days. And I am willing to experience the same again just to overcome the feeling that I’ve failed once again.
I am reminded of a poem “Don’t Quit” and I recite that poem every now and then. The poem goes like this :
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest! if you must; but don’t you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don’t give up, though the pace seems slow;
You might succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor’s cup.
And he learned too late, when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit;
It’s when things seem worst that you mustn’t quit.
Tres Gang
I met three filipinos in Poipet. Pastor JPB, Miss J and Pastor D.
Pastor JPB was a missionary of a reputable international sending mission organization. Pastor D was a missionary too but his testimony suffered because of several wrong doings. I and Pastor JPB because close because he sought for my advice and help regarding Pastor D. Pastor D’s problem with alcoholism and gambling became obvious. I will not delve on this matter because this is not my focus in this write up.
On same year Miss J visited the Bible School where I was teaching looking for fellow missionary. Mind you, my first impression with Miss J was that she’s a giver. She brought me to the market and she bought fruits for me. She even gave me a “love gift” of around one hundred baht (approximately 4USD).
Once I visited Pastor JPB in Poipet and he brought me to a casino in Poipet to show me what is happending inside. Incidentally, he has a two meal coupons for a buffet meal in the casino.
It was where I met members of the Tres Gang. Tres Gang is, according to JPB, is an international gang which is all over south east asia. Reports say that their financier is Malaysian. And, Miss J was a member of that gang. Later on, Pastor D also became a member of the said gang and he changed his name to George. I also met in Poipet some more members of the gang. They are actually based in Bangkok but they frequent casinos in Poipet. Their modus operandi is that a lady member of the gang will befriend a caucasian tourist in Bangkok. Afterwards, she will invite the tourist to her house. A male member of the gang will be at her house and she will introduce him to the tourist as her brother. They will play cards inside the house. At first, they will let the tourist win. Then, through game manipulation the caucasian will loose all the succeeding games and all the money and all valuables he’s carrying. Then, a bunch of male members of the gang will arrive. And the girl will introduce them to the tourist as her relatives. Of course, the caucasian will give all that he has out of fear.
Pastor JPB was a missionary of a reputable international sending mission organization. Pastor D was a missionary too but his testimony suffered because of several wrong doings. I and Pastor JPB because close because he sought for my advice and help regarding Pastor D. Pastor D’s problem with alcoholism and gambling became obvious. I will not delve on this matter because this is not my focus in this write up.
On same year Miss J visited the Bible School where I was teaching looking for fellow missionary. Mind you, my first impression with Miss J was that she’s a giver. She brought me to the market and she bought fruits for me. She even gave me a “love gift” of around one hundred baht (approximately 4USD).
Once I visited Pastor JPB in Poipet and he brought me to a casino in Poipet to show me what is happending inside. Incidentally, he has a two meal coupons for a buffet meal in the casino.
It was where I met members of the Tres Gang. Tres Gang is, according to JPB, is an international gang which is all over south east asia. Reports say that their financier is Malaysian. And, Miss J was a member of that gang. Later on, Pastor D also became a member of the said gang and he changed his name to George. I also met in Poipet some more members of the gang. They are actually based in Bangkok but they frequent casinos in Poipet. Their modus operandi is that a lady member of the gang will befriend a caucasian tourist in Bangkok. Afterwards, she will invite the tourist to her house. A male member of the gang will be at her house and she will introduce him to the tourist as her brother. They will play cards inside the house. At first, they will let the tourist win. Then, through game manipulation the caucasian will loose all the succeeding games and all the money and all valuables he’s carrying. Then, a bunch of male members of the gang will arrive. And the girl will introduce them to the tourist as her relatives. Of course, the caucasian will give all that he has out of fear.
May - December Affair
Arghh! My sinful eyes and my sinful thoughts!
No, please don’t get me wrong. I am not into pornography. :-)
You see, I can’t help but to observe people as I go to different places. And one thing that I notice here in Cambodia is that I always see Cambodian young ladies together with Caucasian oldies. One cannot help but notice them because the girl is usually in her teens while her consort is probably septuagenarian if not octogenarian. Well, I am not saying that this set up is wrong. Even when I was just a teenager I already knew that I could fall in love with an oldy. (Luckily, I did not. hehehe). Now that the inevitable of becoming an old man is near I know that I can fall in love with a young girl. (Though this is not possible because I am already married. hehehe.) Mind you, I don’t want to sound cliche but I still believe in the dictum, “Age doesn’t matter”.
One thought keeps bugging me though. What is it in these old men that a young lass is an easy prey for them? Ummm… Let me think. Here are the possibilities.
1. (My conscience accusingly pointing a finger at me with a stern look.) You naughty! She is a just a caregiver in his employ. Theirs is just an employer-employee relationship.
ME: But is it natural for employers to hold hands with their employees?
2. Because of the gender ratio. We all know that there are 3 women for every man. So, Khmer girls don’t have an option but to look for older men.
ME: But why don’t they go with khmer older men instead?
3. With the experience of older men, they are better lovers than young lads.
ME: (nodding my head though this is just a possibility and there is no concrete study to support this supposition.)
4. Well….
What a heck! It should not be my concern anymore. It is their lives and I should give them the benefit of the doubt. Honestly, I am not comfortable writing about this because I may deal on a sensitive issue of racisim.
Arghh! Sorry for being too nosy!
No, please don’t get me wrong. I am not into pornography. :-)
You see, I can’t help but to observe people as I go to different places. And one thing that I notice here in Cambodia is that I always see Cambodian young ladies together with Caucasian oldies. One cannot help but notice them because the girl is usually in her teens while her consort is probably septuagenarian if not octogenarian. Well, I am not saying that this set up is wrong. Even when I was just a teenager I already knew that I could fall in love with an oldy. (Luckily, I did not. hehehe). Now that the inevitable of becoming an old man is near I know that I can fall in love with a young girl. (Though this is not possible because I am already married. hehehe.) Mind you, I don’t want to sound cliche but I still believe in the dictum, “Age doesn’t matter”.
One thought keeps bugging me though. What is it in these old men that a young lass is an easy prey for them? Ummm… Let me think. Here are the possibilities.
1. (My conscience accusingly pointing a finger at me with a stern look.) You naughty! She is a just a caregiver in his employ. Theirs is just an employer-employee relationship.
ME: But is it natural for employers to hold hands with their employees?
2. Because of the gender ratio. We all know that there are 3 women for every man. So, Khmer girls don’t have an option but to look for older men.
ME: But why don’t they go with khmer older men instead?
3. With the experience of older men, they are better lovers than young lads.
ME: (nodding my head though this is just a possibility and there is no concrete study to support this supposition.)
4. Well….
What a heck! It should not be my concern anymore. It is their lives and I should give them the benefit of the doubt. Honestly, I am not comfortable writing about this because I may deal on a sensitive issue of racisim.
Arghh! Sorry for being too nosy!
My Way
April 30, 2009. 11PM. Inside my room.
I was twitching in bed. I couldn’t sleep.
I really couldn’t understand. I really couldn’t believe it. How could that happen to me?
Two days before I was in an upbeat mood. And on that fateful day… Wham! My self-esteem hit rock bottom. What did I do wrong? I properly executed my plans. How come I was booted out of my job?
My students like me. In fact, they are very vocal about it. My co-teachers agree to that. I was always on time in submitting all my reports and grades. I’ve never been absent nor late. Suddenly, my school where I was teaching fired me.
“God, why did you allow this to happen to me? Don’t you see that I need this job not only to buy all my basic needs but also to boost my failing ego?” I was crying to Him in desperation and confusion.
I forced myself to sleep so that I could wake up early in the morning to look for work. I need to do everything and exert extra effort so that I can find a new job.
“Lord, I just need sleep please.”
The clock keeps on ticking. One o’clock. Two o’clock. I still couldn’t sleep.
In desperation, I reached out for my Bible. I knew reading can tire my eyes and can make me sleep. I didn’t have the intention of having my devotion. I just needed something to make me sleep.
I opened the Bible and read John 21.
I can relate with Peter. Peter was a fisherman. And for some reasons beyond his control he failed in his profession. He wasn’t able to catch even a single fish.
I was thinking, “Maybe he was wondering where he will get his next meal.” I smiled a bit. My money could only last for a week or two.
Possibly, Peter was thinking that God didn’t care for him. Or God was playing favorite.
“Ha! Ha! See, God, I am not alone in feeling this way? Did you not see that I did everything to be successful? I worked hard. Look at my CV. Modesty aside, I think that I am more equipped than those people whom you are blessing so much. It’s true, God. I did not flaunt to others all my research works, certificates and all.”
I was picturing Peter in my mind. Probably he was sitting in his boat. He looked so tired and haggard. And he was thinking that if there’s a God that God is an uncaring God. Probably, just probably, he was asking God if He knows what he’s feeling that night.
“God, do you know that I am feeling down now? I thought you are a caring and loving God? Do you know that I need to succeed because of recent setbacks in my life? I am tired, God. So tired.”
I came to verse 4. It says, “Early in the morning, Jesus stood on the shore, but the disciples did not realize that it was Jesus.” (NIV)
I guess Peter was so down that he did not recognize Jesus. His attention was focused in his miseries.
Then, Jesus asked them if they had any fish. Jesus asked them? Wow! He noticed. Jesus noticed. He cares.
And He knows Peter’s cares.
Jesus didn’t even wait for Peter to complain. Jesus did not wait for Peter to call His attention. He’s the one who initiated the conversation. He asked Peter first! Wow!
And so Peter acknowledged that he failed that day. He did not catch any fish.
And what did Jesus do?
He commanded Peter to throw the net on the right side of the boat. He told Peter what he should do. Yes, in Jesus’ way. In God’s way. Not in Peter’s way.
Jesus said, “ Throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some.” (verse 6, NIV). He did not say, “Peter, would you like to throw your net on the left side of the boat?”
That’s the secret of it. We have to fully follow God’s will. His blueprint. His plan.
And what did Peter do?
Peter obeyed Jesus. No ifs and buts.
Result? He caught a lot of fish. Not just fish. But LARGE fish. (verse 11, NIV) He just followed God’s blueprint and he became successful. More than successful.
I was twitching in bed. I couldn’t sleep.
I really couldn’t understand. I really couldn’t believe it. How could that happen to me?
Two days before I was in an upbeat mood. And on that fateful day… Wham! My self-esteem hit rock bottom. What did I do wrong? I properly executed my plans. How come I was booted out of my job?
My students like me. In fact, they are very vocal about it. My co-teachers agree to that. I was always on time in submitting all my reports and grades. I’ve never been absent nor late. Suddenly, my school where I was teaching fired me.
“God, why did you allow this to happen to me? Don’t you see that I need this job not only to buy all my basic needs but also to boost my failing ego?” I was crying to Him in desperation and confusion.
I forced myself to sleep so that I could wake up early in the morning to look for work. I need to do everything and exert extra effort so that I can find a new job.
“Lord, I just need sleep please.”
The clock keeps on ticking. One o’clock. Two o’clock. I still couldn’t sleep.
In desperation, I reached out for my Bible. I knew reading can tire my eyes and can make me sleep. I didn’t have the intention of having my devotion. I just needed something to make me sleep.
I opened the Bible and read John 21.
I can relate with Peter. Peter was a fisherman. And for some reasons beyond his control he failed in his profession. He wasn’t able to catch even a single fish.
I was thinking, “Maybe he was wondering where he will get his next meal.” I smiled a bit. My money could only last for a week or two.
Possibly, Peter was thinking that God didn’t care for him. Or God was playing favorite.
“Ha! Ha! See, God, I am not alone in feeling this way? Did you not see that I did everything to be successful? I worked hard. Look at my CV. Modesty aside, I think that I am more equipped than those people whom you are blessing so much. It’s true, God. I did not flaunt to others all my research works, certificates and all.”
I was picturing Peter in my mind. Probably he was sitting in his boat. He looked so tired and haggard. And he was thinking that if there’s a God that God is an uncaring God. Probably, just probably, he was asking God if He knows what he’s feeling that night.
“God, do you know that I am feeling down now? I thought you are a caring and loving God? Do you know that I need to succeed because of recent setbacks in my life? I am tired, God. So tired.”
I came to verse 4. It says, “Early in the morning, Jesus stood on the shore, but the disciples did not realize that it was Jesus.” (NIV)
I guess Peter was so down that he did not recognize Jesus. His attention was focused in his miseries.
Then, Jesus asked them if they had any fish. Jesus asked them? Wow! He noticed. Jesus noticed. He cares.
And He knows Peter’s cares.
Jesus didn’t even wait for Peter to complain. Jesus did not wait for Peter to call His attention. He’s the one who initiated the conversation. He asked Peter first! Wow!
And so Peter acknowledged that he failed that day. He did not catch any fish.
And what did Jesus do?
He commanded Peter to throw the net on the right side of the boat. He told Peter what he should do. Yes, in Jesus’ way. In God’s way. Not in Peter’s way.
Jesus said, “ Throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some.” (verse 6, NIV). He did not say, “Peter, would you like to throw your net on the left side of the boat?”
That’s the secret of it. We have to fully follow God’s will. His blueprint. His plan.
And what did Peter do?
Peter obeyed Jesus. No ifs and buts.
Result? He caught a lot of fish. Not just fish. But LARGE fish. (verse 11, NIV) He just followed God’s blueprint and he became successful. More than successful.
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