My Way

April 30, 2009. 11PM. Inside my room.

I was twitching in bed. I couldn’t sleep.

I really couldn’t understand. I really couldn’t believe it. How could that happen to me?

Two days before I was in an upbeat mood. And on that fateful day… Wham! My self-esteem hit rock bottom. What did I do wrong? I properly executed my plans. How come I was booted out of my job?

My students like me. In fact, they are very vocal about it. My co-teachers agree to that. I was always on time in submitting all my reports and grades. I’ve never been absent nor late. Suddenly, my school where I was teaching fired me.

“God, why did you allow this to happen to me? Don’t you see that I need this job not only to buy all my basic needs but also to boost my failing ego?” I was crying to Him in desperation and confusion.

I forced myself to sleep so that I could wake up early in the morning to look for work. I need to do everything and exert extra effort so that I can find a new job.

“Lord, I just need sleep please.”

The clock keeps on ticking. One o’clock. Two o’clock. I still couldn’t sleep.

In desperation, I reached out for my Bible. I knew reading can tire my eyes and can make me sleep. I didn’t have the intention of having my devotion. I just needed something to make me sleep.

I opened the Bible and read John 21.

I can relate with Peter. Peter was a fisherman. And for some reasons beyond his control he failed in his profession. He wasn’t able to catch even a single fish.

I was thinking, “Maybe he was wondering where he will get his next meal.” I smiled a bit. My money could only last for a week or two.

Possibly, Peter was thinking that God didn’t care for him. Or God was playing favorite.

“Ha! Ha! See, God, I am not alone in feeling this way? Did you not see that I did everything to be successful? I worked hard. Look at my CV. Modesty aside, I think that I am more equipped than those people whom you are blessing so much. It’s true, God. I did not flaunt to others all my research works, certificates and all.”

I was picturing Peter in my mind. Probably he was sitting in his boat. He looked so tired and haggard. And he was thinking that if there’s a God that God is an uncaring God. Probably, just probably, he was asking God if He knows what he’s feeling that night.

“God, do you know that I am feeling down now? I thought you are a caring and loving God? Do you know that I need to succeed because of recent setbacks in my life? I am tired, God. So tired.”

I came to verse 4. It says, “Early in the morning, Jesus stood on the shore, but the disciples did not realize that it was Jesus.” (NIV)

I guess Peter was so down that he did not recognize Jesus. His attention was focused in his miseries.

Then, Jesus asked them if they had any fish. Jesus asked them? Wow! He noticed. Jesus noticed. He cares.

And He knows Peter’s cares.

Jesus didn’t even wait for Peter to complain. Jesus did not wait for Peter to call His attention. He’s the one who initiated the conversation. He asked Peter first! Wow!

And so Peter acknowledged that he failed that day. He did not catch any fish.

And what did Jesus do?

He commanded Peter to throw the net on the right side of the boat. He told Peter what he should do. Yes, in Jesus’ way. In God’s way. Not in Peter’s way.

Jesus said, “ Throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some.” (verse 6, NIV). He did not say, “Peter, would you like to throw your net on the left side of the boat?”

That’s the secret of it. We have to fully follow God’s will. His blueprint. His plan.

And what did Peter do?

Peter obeyed Jesus. No ifs and buts.

Result? He caught a lot of fish. Not just fish. But LARGE fish. (verse 11, NIV) He just followed God’s blueprint and he became successful. More than successful.