Bumming Around

I am jobless here in Cambodia. No involvement in any organization or cause. I spend most of my time inside my room. In short, I am a bum.

So many people broached the idea that I should just go back to the Philippines. Well, it may seem plausible. It will be a good opportunity for me to see doctors for my ailments. At present, I am limping because of my right foot.

But my decision is not to leave Cambodia. As you see, I already submitted my CV to almost 35 schools. If I will go back to the Philippines all my efforts (typing and photocopying application letters and CV, mailing application letters, CVs and credentials to schools in the provinces, handcarrying my application letters to schools here in Phnom Penh) in applying to these schools will just go to waste.

For me, going back to the Philippines is tantamount to accepting defeat. And I am not sure if I can take that. And if that will happen there will be a big possibilty for me to wallow in self-pity thinking that I’ve been a failure once again.

Mind you, it is not easy to be here without work. Before, I’ve experienced not to eat for 5 days. And I am willing to experience the same again just to overcome the feeling that I’ve failed once again.

I am reminded of a poem “Don’t Quit” and I recite that poem every now and then. The poem goes like this :

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest! if you must; but don’t you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don’t give up, though the pace seems slow;
You might succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor’s cup.
And he learned too late, when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit;
It’s when things seem worst that you mustn’t quit.