Introspection.That's what I cannot do without. I always have to think about things. About life. About conversation. About anything and anyone.
This will contain tidbits of my ideas as I ponder about things.
Here it is. :-)
;-)
:-(
1. It dawned upon me that distrust is a universal phenomenon. Man is by nature a doubting person. Not that he doubts his existence just like when Rene Descartes doubted his to prove his existence. (Remember Cogito Ergo Sum?) What I mean by doubt here is distrust. Man distrust his fellow human being. I will give you an example to prove my case. I've known the church I am attending now thru my former student (let us name him PERSON A) in Banteay Meanchey. My student introduced me to one of his filipino colleagues who is a missionary (Let us say he is PERSON B). PERSON B invited me to attend the church. Now, there was this guy (let us call him PERSON C) who talked to his friends about me. PERSON C said that they should watch over me because they don't know me. PERSON C said that the church should be cautious about me since they do not know where I am from. In short, PERSON C is suspecting that I am a con man bent on bleeding the church.
I've tried reaching out to PERSON C in spite of the negative things he says at my back.
Lately, I noticed that PERSON C is becoming nice to me. He talks to me often. What's my response? Just simple and short niceties. You know, short talk. I don't intend to have a closer and deeper friendship with him. The reason is I think that I should be more cautious. For I wonder what else he can do to destroy my reputation if he can speak negatively at my back when he doesn't know me yet.
2. It is also innate for man to think highly of himself. The same guy (PERSON C) talked to me yesterday and he generalized all the schools and students here in Cambodia as worst. Of course, I have to tell him that his experience might not be what I am experiencing now. I completely assured him that I am happy now with my present school. He really looks condescendingly to locals here.
3. People tend to look at outward appearance. People tend to judge others by the way they look and dress. Sorry for them. I prefer to be in tees and jeans. :-) You see, I really feel uneasy wearing ties and all that. I only wear ties in my work because that's our uniform.
What I believe is that we cannot say that a person is bum if he is wearing old and tattered clothes as much as we cannot say that a man in suit is dignified. I think that most con men dress to the nines. Right? And, by the way, demons sometimes appear like angels.
Therefore, know thyself and be respectful of others. Who knows, the beggar that will cross your path maybe the person who will save your life later.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Discouragers
If there is one thing that this world is full of that would be "discouragers".
i remember when I was then jobless and I was asking some members of the church to pray for my job hunting. I, of course, told them that I am convinced that my talent is in teaching.
Two members of the church which I was attending said, "Jun, you can't find a job in school. You don't have a master's degree. Why don't you find work in factories here?"
Another one said, "You should not work in schools here in Cambodia because schools pay very little and salary is always late."
Now, I wish that these people, with all their sincerity will eat their words. I am teaching in one of the "good" schools here in Cambodia. And the school that I am teaching now pays really well.
Why is it that people have this tendency to belittle others? Even Christians do have that tendency.
They have this idea that one is wanting to befriend them because that someone wants to get something from them. I experienced and is experiencing this.
Now, I just tell myself that it is not my loss. It is their loss. They don't know me.
Never did I want to be close to someone because I want to get something from them. In fact, I got my job without anybody's help. Some church people asked me to give them copies of my resume. I did. But they weren't able to help me in getting my job.
Maybe thru prayers they did. Nothing more.
What pisses me off is that most Christians are proud of themselves. They think highly of themselves. They see themselves as important. Indespensable.
Well, I'd rather be with people who are lowly. That's what the poem Dessiderata says.
Moral of the lesson? Cherish people are humble. Do not mingle with the proud. As Dessiderata says, "they are vexation to the spirit
i remember when I was then jobless and I was asking some members of the church to pray for my job hunting. I, of course, told them that I am convinced that my talent is in teaching.
Two members of the church which I was attending said, "Jun, you can't find a job in school. You don't have a master's degree. Why don't you find work in factories here?"
Another one said, "You should not work in schools here in Cambodia because schools pay very little and salary is always late."
Now, I wish that these people, with all their sincerity will eat their words. I am teaching in one of the "good" schools here in Cambodia. And the school that I am teaching now pays really well.
Why is it that people have this tendency to belittle others? Even Christians do have that tendency.
They have this idea that one is wanting to befriend them because that someone wants to get something from them. I experienced and is experiencing this.
Now, I just tell myself that it is not my loss. It is their loss. They don't know me.
Never did I want to be close to someone because I want to get something from them. In fact, I got my job without anybody's help. Some church people asked me to give them copies of my resume. I did. But they weren't able to help me in getting my job.
Maybe thru prayers they did. Nothing more.
What pisses me off is that most Christians are proud of themselves. They think highly of themselves. They see themselves as important. Indespensable.
Well, I'd rather be with people who are lowly. That's what the poem Dessiderata says.
Moral of the lesson? Cherish people are humble. Do not mingle with the proud. As Dessiderata says, "they are vexation to the spirit
Funny! Funny! Funny!
A funny thing happened to me yesterday. One of my students approached me and told me, "Teacher, I can't understand your pronunciation. Please speak like an American." (Actually, she said that with incorrect grammar. What she actually said was, "Can't understand teacher pronunciation. Please speak American."
Imagine? A Cambodian teenager who is having difficulty constructing even a simple sentence is asking me to speak like an American!
What struck me more is that she said it seriously. She was not joking. She was dead serious!
I replied, "I am a Filipino. I am not an American. I've been to seven countries already. And I haven't had difficulty interacting with others in English. People I talked to understood me well (I suppose)! I had interactions with American missionaries and some of my former teachers in Philippine Baptist Theological Seminary are Americans. So, I guess, my pronunciation is acceptable. You can stop me during lectures if you can't understand what I am saying and I will explain it clearly and slowly."
Come to think of it, it is not about whether I am good or not in English. It is about the color of my skin! It is because I am brown! You see, we have black people teaching here. They are from Sudan, Zimbabwe and Nigeria. Students never complain about their pronunciation. Is my pronunciation bad as compared to other teachers? I guess not.
It is just that I am brown and they look at their own color condescendingly. They think that blacks and caucasians are better than brown people.
What should I do then?
Nothing.
I can't do anything.
Changing their perspective is a gargantuan task.
Just endure their "colonial mentality" or "alienating culture"". The culture that says that mine is worst and others are excellent.
What a sad fate for the brown race.
Imagine? A Cambodian teenager who is having difficulty constructing even a simple sentence is asking me to speak like an American!
What struck me more is that she said it seriously. She was not joking. She was dead serious!
I replied, "I am a Filipino. I am not an American. I've been to seven countries already. And I haven't had difficulty interacting with others in English. People I talked to understood me well (I suppose)! I had interactions with American missionaries and some of my former teachers in Philippine Baptist Theological Seminary are Americans. So, I guess, my pronunciation is acceptable. You can stop me during lectures if you can't understand what I am saying and I will explain it clearly and slowly."
Come to think of it, it is not about whether I am good or not in English. It is about the color of my skin! It is because I am brown! You see, we have black people teaching here. They are from Sudan, Zimbabwe and Nigeria. Students never complain about their pronunciation. Is my pronunciation bad as compared to other teachers? I guess not.
It is just that I am brown and they look at their own color condescendingly. They think that blacks and caucasians are better than brown people.
What should I do then?
Nothing.
I can't do anything.
Changing their perspective is a gargantuan task.
Just endure their "colonial mentality" or "alienating culture"". The culture that says that mine is worst and others are excellent.
What a sad fate for the brown race.
Christian Communism
We are having a party now. Classes just ended and we are having potluck. Students brought food. Really lots of food! Pizzas. Fried chicken. etc.
Imagine! My students who are merely teenagers can afford to buy those food? Wow! I don't even have the guts to go to that famous pizza parlor!
It dawned upon me that there really is a gargantuan difference between the rich and the poor here. A regular factory worker, a policeman or a public school teacher here only earns around two dollars a day. While my students can spend 3 dollars for food for a two-hour party?
Two days ago while I was on my way to school a car stopped in front of me. When I look at the driver's seat I saw one of my students. Imagine? Barely a teenager and he has his own car? While the per capita income in Cambodia is 500 dollars per annum. Wow!
I was reminded of the lifestyle during the pentecost. Christians sold their properties and distributed the proceeds among all Christians. Rich and poor. No descriminations.
I asked myself: Is it possible to have that equality? Is it similar to communism espoused by Mao Tse Tung and Karl Marx? Can we apply biblical truth in interpreting Des Kapital?
I believe that the Bible teaches equality not only in status but in material position. I believe that the true christian community is the one which there is no great divide between the rich and the poor.
Where selfish ambition is inexistent. Where bourgeois capitalism is nil.
Now, that is what true christianity is.
Rottenness of Men
My sister forwarded to me an e-mail about prioritizing love more than wealth and happiness.
I beg to disagree.
Such idea is utopian but it is not what is happening.
In my 38 years of existence here on earth I've learned that most people will love you if you are successful in society's standard.
As a concrete example, my relatives are gravitating toward our family because my sister and my brothers are quite successful. While our cousins who remain poor are the enemies and the outcasts of the whole clan.
if we will examine our extended family dynamics, my cousins and other distant relatives connect or relate more with my brothers and sisters than to me. Maybe because I have not been materially successful.
This is a sad fate but this is a reality. Our extended family dynamics is I think a microcosm of the whole society.
But, hey, there are still some (or a handful of) people who make friendship or relationship as an end-in-itself and not just a means-to-an-end. I know one. Her name is Geny. As I get to know her little by little it dawned upon me that she is a friend who concerns herself of what not she can get from her friends. She concerns herself of how she can be a blessing to them.
The other night she asked me if she can bring me water because I utterred to her during our small talk that I need to pass by a store for I no longer have water.
Of course, Geny is not perfect. Nobody is! She has her own shortcomings or fallenness. But those negatives can be ignored because of her big heart.
Though Geny is one of a kind. She is rare. Seldom we can find a person like her.
What should be our philosophy then?
Live and let live.
Accept the rottenness of man. Live like a rock. Live like an island. And treasure true friends like Geny. They seldom come.
I beg to disagree.
Such idea is utopian but it is not what is happening.
In my 38 years of existence here on earth I've learned that most people will love you if you are successful in society's standard.
As a concrete example, my relatives are gravitating toward our family because my sister and my brothers are quite successful. While our cousins who remain poor are the enemies and the outcasts of the whole clan.
if we will examine our extended family dynamics, my cousins and other distant relatives connect or relate more with my brothers and sisters than to me. Maybe because I have not been materially successful.
This is a sad fate but this is a reality. Our extended family dynamics is I think a microcosm of the whole society.
But, hey, there are still some (or a handful of) people who make friendship or relationship as an end-in-itself and not just a means-to-an-end. I know one. Her name is Geny. As I get to know her little by little it dawned upon me that she is a friend who concerns herself of what not she can get from her friends. She concerns herself of how she can be a blessing to them.
The other night she asked me if she can bring me water because I utterred to her during our small talk that I need to pass by a store for I no longer have water.
Of course, Geny is not perfect. Nobody is! She has her own shortcomings or fallenness. But those negatives can be ignored because of her big heart.
Though Geny is one of a kind. She is rare. Seldom we can find a person like her.
What should be our philosophy then?
Live and let live.
Accept the rottenness of man. Live like a rock. Live like an island. And treasure true friends like Geny. They seldom come.
A Book Review of "Riot and Remembrance"
Book: Riot and Remembrance:The Tulsa Race War and Its Legacy
Author: James Hirsch
The book "Riot and Remembrance" is a poignant reminder for us to be vigilant for the truth.
The book narrates the story of the race riot that happened in Tulsa, Oklahoma in 1912. It also analyzes the cause and the great divide between whites and colored people.
The idea that forgiveness without reparation is unacceptable was also advanced by the book. Reparation is warranted since the government of Oklahoma was guilty because they helped the white mobs to annhilate the whole black town. There are even pictures where blacks are carted out to concentration camps by national guards.
It also talks about the heroic acts of some black individuals who stood up for their rights regardless of consequences. For the first time in history black Americans were united and dauntless in asserting and protecting their rights.
The author, James Hirsch, was successful in bringing to the open the horrid past that the government and white people of Tulsa, Oklahoma tried to hide and forget.
Good white Americans were guilty too because they allowed others to do horrendous acts to the black community of Tulsa.
Should America try to forget the past and move on? They cannot fully disregard the past without exorcising the ghost of injustice and bigotry. They must accept that they committed horrible acts to different peoples at different times.
As I read the book I can't help but to conclude that injustice will only triumph if weak people allow powers-that-be to control and subjugate them.
The question that remains then is: Is this kind of racism still happening today? The anwer is a resounding YES! It is as real as the oxygen we breathe. Just look around us: It may happen in its subtlest form but it is as real as it was before.
Author: James Hirsch
The book "Riot and Remembrance" is a poignant reminder for us to be vigilant for the truth.
The book narrates the story of the race riot that happened in Tulsa, Oklahoma in 1912. It also analyzes the cause and the great divide between whites and colored people.
The idea that forgiveness without reparation is unacceptable was also advanced by the book. Reparation is warranted since the government of Oklahoma was guilty because they helped the white mobs to annhilate the whole black town. There are even pictures where blacks are carted out to concentration camps by national guards.
It also talks about the heroic acts of some black individuals who stood up for their rights regardless of consequences. For the first time in history black Americans were united and dauntless in asserting and protecting their rights.
The author, James Hirsch, was successful in bringing to the open the horrid past that the government and white people of Tulsa, Oklahoma tried to hide and forget.
Good white Americans were guilty too because they allowed others to do horrendous acts to the black community of Tulsa.
Should America try to forget the past and move on? They cannot fully disregard the past without exorcising the ghost of injustice and bigotry. They must accept that they committed horrible acts to different peoples at different times.
As I read the book I can't help but to conclude that injustice will only triumph if weak people allow powers-that-be to control and subjugate them.
The question that remains then is: Is this kind of racism still happening today? The anwer is a resounding YES! It is as real as the oxygen we breathe. Just look around us: It may happen in its subtlest form but it is as real as it was before.
Why Is America Blessed?
I've been pondering if I should title this entry, "Does America Have The Moral Ascendency To Be the World's Police Dog?"
I am reading a book about Tulsa riot where the white mobs attacked the town of Greenwood. Greenwood's inhabitants are black. It occurred in early 1900s.
The book gave a good view of what's happening in that era. The Ku Klux Klan. The lynchings of blacks by whites simply because blacks were accussed of assaulting (rape during that time are called assault) white girls. The discrimination against Jews, immigrants, catholics and colored people. I was even aghast because according to the book the White Americans, during that time, perceived blacks as sexual maniacs (which I am sure is totally wrong) who when they see white girls will do everything to lay on them.
I can't help but recall what Americans did in my own country. The Americans used to have military bases. (Which I feel were the bases of our insecurities) Some American GIs shoot scavengers in the dump simply because they mistook filipino scavengers as wild pigs. (This was immortalized in the film "Minsan May Isang Gamo-Gamo" starring Nora Aunor.
I can't help but recall what the Americans did to American Indians when they displaced them.
I can't help but recall what the Americans did to Hiroshima and Nagasaki which killed thousands of innocent civilians all in the name of democracy.
I can't help but recall the tv footage that I saw on tv when white policemen were beating black suspect.
I can't help but recall what happened in Guantanamo Bay when American soldiers humiliated Iraqi POWs. They stripped Iraqi POWs and asked them to do sexual acts.
Knowing all these, is it hard to speculate what's happening in Iraq now?
I am asking God, "Are you turning your eyes away from the evil which Americans are doing? I know vengeance is not ours but why are you blessing the perpetrators of evil?"
With this I can't help but to be cynical
I am reading a book about Tulsa riot where the white mobs attacked the town of Greenwood. Greenwood's inhabitants are black. It occurred in early 1900s.
The book gave a good view of what's happening in that era. The Ku Klux Klan. The lynchings of blacks by whites simply because blacks were accussed of assaulting (rape during that time are called assault) white girls. The discrimination against Jews, immigrants, catholics and colored people. I was even aghast because according to the book the White Americans, during that time, perceived blacks as sexual maniacs (which I am sure is totally wrong) who when they see white girls will do everything to lay on them.
I can't help but recall what Americans did in my own country. The Americans used to have military bases. (Which I feel were the bases of our insecurities) Some American GIs shoot scavengers in the dump simply because they mistook filipino scavengers as wild pigs. (This was immortalized in the film "Minsan May Isang Gamo-Gamo" starring Nora Aunor.
I can't help but recall what the Americans did to American Indians when they displaced them.
I can't help but recall what the Americans did to Hiroshima and Nagasaki which killed thousands of innocent civilians all in the name of democracy.
I can't help but recall the tv footage that I saw on tv when white policemen were beating black suspect.
I can't help but recall what happened in Guantanamo Bay when American soldiers humiliated Iraqi POWs. They stripped Iraqi POWs and asked them to do sexual acts.
Knowing all these, is it hard to speculate what's happening in Iraq now?
I am asking God, "Are you turning your eyes away from the evil which Americans are doing? I know vengeance is not ours but why are you blessing the perpetrators of evil?"
With this I can't help but to be cynical
Just Wondering
I just had my snack.
Jack and Jill's Cream-O cookies. The one I usually had when I was young. Wow! It's nice to remember the good old days. Those good old days that makes you feel something different. Aside, of course, from the fact that Cream-O is really delicious. Uhmmm... I noticed that I really crave for things that are made in the Philippines. Is this what we call homesickness?
The other week I saw Likas Papaya soap while in the grocery store intending to buy milk. I don't use Papaya soap. Any cheap soap is okay for me. But there is this undeniable and unxplainable feeling in me that dictates me to buy that soap. I still have three bars of Palmolive soap at home. In spite of that I still bought Likas Papaya and I gazed on the mark that says "made in the Philippines" several times.
Few weaks ago at around 10PM my two filipino friends drop by at my house. I just arrived from work and so I was dead tired. I thought of not opening the door and pretending to be asleep. Well, I had a second thought because I really miss those guys. They are my best buddies here in Cambodia.
Though what really made me happy when I saw them is the sardines that they brought. The sardines was made in the Philippines.
I don't know but I noticed that I do have a penchant now for things that are made in the Philippines.
Is it because I love my country more now? I guess so.
They say that distance makes the heart grow fonder.
And I am far from my beloved country now.
Khnom srolayng Philippines!
Jack and Jill's Cream-O cookies. The one I usually had when I was young. Wow! It's nice to remember the good old days. Those good old days that makes you feel something different. Aside, of course, from the fact that Cream-O is really delicious. Uhmmm... I noticed that I really crave for things that are made in the Philippines. Is this what we call homesickness?
The other week I saw Likas Papaya soap while in the grocery store intending to buy milk. I don't use Papaya soap. Any cheap soap is okay for me. But there is this undeniable and unxplainable feeling in me that dictates me to buy that soap. I still have three bars of Palmolive soap at home. In spite of that I still bought Likas Papaya and I gazed on the mark that says "made in the Philippines" several times.
Few weaks ago at around 10PM my two filipino friends drop by at my house. I just arrived from work and so I was dead tired. I thought of not opening the door and pretending to be asleep. Well, I had a second thought because I really miss those guys. They are my best buddies here in Cambodia.
Though what really made me happy when I saw them is the sardines that they brought. The sardines was made in the Philippines.
I don't know but I noticed that I do have a penchant now for things that are made in the Philippines.
Is it because I love my country more now? I guess so.
They say that distance makes the heart grow fonder.
And I am far from my beloved country now.
Khnom srolayng Philippines!
Racial Slurs
Yesterday I was discussing in my class the role of women in nation building. As an example, I gave the case of our president, Gloria Macapagal Arroyo.
One of my students said, "Teacher, she is good! She was able to catch Abu Sayyaf."
I was shocked. I asked him why he knows Abu Sayyaf. He said it is because he learned that there are so many Abu Sayyaf in the Philippines. I corrected him by saying that there are millions of Filipinos and there are less than (I believe) a hundred of abu sayyaf. I told my class that it is not true that the philippines is infested of abu sayyaf. I told them that it is just what media portrays but it is not what's happening in the whole Philippines. In fact, I haven't seen one abu sayyaf in my whole life. I told them that we should be critical of the news that comes out in the media.
I said that media portrays some asian countries in bad light. For example, it was said in the media that Phnom Penh is not a safe place. Well, it dawned upon me that Phnom Penh is much safer than Bangkok nor Kuala Lumpur. I've experienced corruption in Malaysia, Thailand and other countries but not in Phnom Penh.
I added that I believe that Phnom Penh is even safer than New York.
One of my students commented, "Yes, teacher. Because of the blacks in New York."
I told them that the color of the skin has nothing to do with violence. I gave as an example the shooting that happened in a U.S. school two months ago. I asked her if it was an african-american who was involved in shooting. she said no. Then, i told them that the skin color doesn't have anything to do with violence.
Then, one of my students asked, "Teacher, why do they call housemaids Filipina?"
Whew! Even in Cambodia?
I told them about the incident where the word Filipina was included in Webster's dictionary. And the Philippine government protested and asked Webster's to remove that entry because it has a some sort of racial slur. Webster's obliged.
In defense, I narrated that there are a lot of professionals who are working abroad as technocrat and not just domestic helpers. I know people who work as nurses, I.T. professionals, and I am even working in Cambodia as a teacher.
Yes, there are many Filipinas that work as domestic helpers. But it is not appropriate to call all Filipinas domestic helpers because so many are working with white collar jobs.
As a parting word for them I told them that they should see themselves as equal with others. I asked them not to be moved by the way others look at them. They are what they are because of what they are and not because of how others look at them
One of my students said, "Teacher, she is good! She was able to catch Abu Sayyaf."
I was shocked. I asked him why he knows Abu Sayyaf. He said it is because he learned that there are so many Abu Sayyaf in the Philippines. I corrected him by saying that there are millions of Filipinos and there are less than (I believe) a hundred of abu sayyaf. I told my class that it is not true that the philippines is infested of abu sayyaf. I told them that it is just what media portrays but it is not what's happening in the whole Philippines. In fact, I haven't seen one abu sayyaf in my whole life. I told them that we should be critical of the news that comes out in the media.
I said that media portrays some asian countries in bad light. For example, it was said in the media that Phnom Penh is not a safe place. Well, it dawned upon me that Phnom Penh is much safer than Bangkok nor Kuala Lumpur. I've experienced corruption in Malaysia, Thailand and other countries but not in Phnom Penh.
I added that I believe that Phnom Penh is even safer than New York.
One of my students commented, "Yes, teacher. Because of the blacks in New York."
I told them that the color of the skin has nothing to do with violence. I gave as an example the shooting that happened in a U.S. school two months ago. I asked her if it was an african-american who was involved in shooting. she said no. Then, i told them that the skin color doesn't have anything to do with violence.
Then, one of my students asked, "Teacher, why do they call housemaids Filipina?"
Whew! Even in Cambodia?
I told them about the incident where the word Filipina was included in Webster's dictionary. And the Philippine government protested and asked Webster's to remove that entry because it has a some sort of racial slur. Webster's obliged.
In defense, I narrated that there are a lot of professionals who are working abroad as technocrat and not just domestic helpers. I know people who work as nurses, I.T. professionals, and I am even working in Cambodia as a teacher.
Yes, there are many Filipinas that work as domestic helpers. But it is not appropriate to call all Filipinas domestic helpers because so many are working with white collar jobs.
As a parting word for them I told them that they should see themselves as equal with others. I asked them not to be moved by the way others look at them. They are what they are because of what they are and not because of how others look at them
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